Hey, LeCygne here with your review!
Well, that was unexpectingly dark, wich I absolutely love! And yet, it's worth a review, because it could've been better.
First, I don't think the format you chose actually fit the story.
It's a shame, because your plot is actually pretty good. Badass Neville comes a bit out of nowhere, but hey, he slained the snake, so it's alright.
But a one-shot? I always felt one-shot were for precise moments, insights, or for several levels of reading. But there, you're trying to recap a lot in a very short time.
You plotted well enough for at least four chapters there, so why the rush? Everybody loves a good several chapters long story...And it's a bit frustrating when nevill's speech is so cool we imagine 4 chapters like that.
It's that precise choice I've had a problem with. because it also ruins the pacing of your chapter, wich is overly unbalanced.
Apart from that, you write pretty well, maybe a tiny bit grandiloquent -the suicide, particularly, came overly dramatic-, but it fits the story well...
Your characterization is also very good. I love your Ginny, and
I really enjoyed Hermione too, she usually one of my least favorite characters, but you respected her style.
So, great potential mate! You can keep on writing happily and without stress. But as it is, it's still too short, too much, too fast. Still worth a 7 though.
Author's Response: Well, thank you so much. You have given me much food for thought. 3 or 4 chapters, I'll see if I can block it that way. It won't be anytime soon though, I have other issues to deal with first. Not least a new bathroom in my house!!