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Review:LeCygneNoir says:
Hey, this is LeCygne, with your review. I'll make a single review for the three chapters. As I said, I preoccupy mostly with general pace, plotting, and characterization.

To be completely honest very fast: I'm not a great fan of your story. Not that it's bad or anything, but I'm definitely not an Hermione fan, particularly not in the very hard position you put her in.

To be fair though, your writing is pretty good. The mix between self-anger and self-pity that Hermione feels is leaking through the text. I also liked your Draco, who's exactly the "new man" with relent of his previous arrogance he should be.
So, there's not much to say about characterization.

I'll not be that dithyrambic with the pacing though. It is alright, and the text is quite pleasant to read. But you've chosen a very slow pace, wich I've no problem with, and it made of constant actions. There are descriptions in your text, but they're subbordinated to actions.
I think that ambiance also emanates from descriptions made for themselves, particularly in slow paced fiction. The world should have an independent rythm from your character, it may be as slow if it's seen from her eyes, or faster if you want to oppose it. But for now, it seems like the whole worlds is part of Hermione's neurastheny.

I realize this is a bit harsh, because actually it's not that terrible -it's even good. But it's easier explained in the extremes.

Also, your writing could be a little lighter sometimes, in style if not in ambiance. But that's very hard to point out precisely, so I won't dare to. Just be aware that you can stay slow with light sentences.

As a critic, I should've rated your text 8/10. But I'm also a reader, so it'll be 7/10.

Keep up the good work, and happy writing.

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry for the long wait for this response. I really appreciate your honesty, I've been attempting to work on what you've said here so I'll make this brief.

- I'm not usually all that great at writing women or grief so I decided to do it to challenge myself. I'm glad you like my Draco though, he is one of my favourite characters to write.
- I chose a slow pace so that I could make the fic as believable as possible as many these days throw them together for the sake of being together. I want their relationship to be as natural as it would be in real life.
- I've also been working on my descriptions, and finding that happy medium between emotions and physical things.
- As this is third person limited (to Hermione) I wanted the writing to somewhat reflect her emotions. It wont always be this slow and "emo"

Don't feel bad about being harsh. I very much appreciate it. It is a welcome change, to be truthful. It helps me understand my writing better when someone comes by and lets me know straight instead of beating around the candy bush.

I've also been attempting to work on lightening my writing style slightly, I've always had heavy sentences and my teachers always gave me flak for it. But if I can't change it, oh well. That's just my style.

Thanks again!
Brittanique


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