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Review:nabbed_wren says:
Okay, so I just finished this and now I'm going to try to review the whole thing.

First of all, it was really cute and fun to read. I thought that the emotional turmoil of Lexie dealing with her mother's sickness and death was very touching and realistic. Lexie and James were really cute together, and it was overall just adorable.

Now we get to the mean part- I'll try to make the criticism constructive and please understand that I really did like the story but these are just some things I noticed you could improve.

I think you would really benefit from having a beta read your work before you publish it, just because there were a couple minor things where you accidentally repeated a paragraph or put the wrong person's name somewhere or something.

Also, it might help you if you made a timeline for yourself of when things happen in the story and how old everyone is at every event, because that got pretty confusing. They got married before James was 20 (because he 'wouldn't make it to 20' without Lexie), but then two years after they got married Lily was a seventh year, which I don't think makes sense if she was a first year when they were in seventh. There were a couple other minor things like that, that could have been avoided with some sort of timeline.

Last, the 'serving Lexie's meals' things that kept on coming up really bothered me. If it had just been the one time I would have ignored it, but it seemed like you mentioned it at least once every chapter. And yeah, if the dish is hot and difficult to move then whoever is in the best position to serve should fill everyone's plate before theirs, but jeeze! If anyone tried to fill my plate every meal I would hate it- I'm a big girl, I know what I want and how much of it I want, and I can serve myself. Lexie isn't that fragile that she can't even touch a spoon. Sorry about the whole 'feminist rant' thing, but seriously. I don't see it as a sign of love so much as a sign that Lexie's going to let James run her life. I mean, I understand that it's supposed to be a symbol of James putting Lexie before himself, but to me it ends up being a symbol that Lexie hasn't really grown at all and is just letting another person walk all over her. In the future, just be careful how your symbols can be interpreted and make it very clear that they are saying what you intend them to.

So, overall I think you did really well with the pacing of your story and the emotional characterizations and relationships, but being a little bit more careful about the organization and message of your story would really benefit your writing. Keep writing! You're really good- don't let my mean review discourage you!

Author's Response: thanks for the long review! :)

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