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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

I definitely think that this is an interesting start to a story. You've jumped immediately into a delicate situation, full of emotion, and I think that you've done a good job of handling it well.

To begin, I think that you began very strongly and I liked the way your final sentence brought back her feelings of doubt. The way you elaborated on what was so wrong about the scene was very well done- you gave more than just physical descriptions. You gave reasons and small details behind the ideas, allowing us to see Lucy's personality and the relationship between the sisters.

I must admit that it took me some time before I realized that Molly was at a funeral but this is in no way a bad thing. If nothing else, this helped to transmit Molly's confusion and conviction that this was all a dream. Furthermore, I believe that you've done a good job of creating a sad atmosphere, especially in some of the smaller moments, such as when she just wanted the speaker to be quiet. Her emotions felt real and definitely believable.

Just a small thing I noticed: in the phrase "mum's hand on my shoulder" it should be "Mum's". I would just watch the capitalization of proper nouns- I noticed that a few times the "Mum"s and "Dad"s you used weren't capitalized even though you were using them as proper names.

As well, though I haven't seen a lot of Molly yet, she's a good, realistic character from what I've seen. She obviously had a close bond with her sister and a good one with her family in general, a trait that all the Weasleys seem to share. I was a little surprised that there weren't many references to the rest of the Weasley family- I would assume that they'd be at the funeral because Lucy was family. I don't think that they would have allowed them to grieve along.

All in all I think that you're off to a great (and interesting) start. I hope that you continue to handle her grief, as well as the rest of the family's, with care. It'll be interesting to see where you take this story from here- will we be following the progress of her healing? Seeing what led to Lucy's death? Will this be another "backwards" story?

Thanks for requesting and, as always, I hope my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Yes, i had thought about not having the rest of her family in there after i had posted it, but i will go in and change that up because it is a bit weird that they aren't even mentioned. ;D

Thank you for your comments and i'm pleased you think i handled this delicate situation well. It's sometimes hard to handle grief in a mature way and i'm glad that you feel like i've captured that.

It's going to be a normal story, that is, in chronological order. I may be mixing up the style a little bit but mostly it'll be going forwards from this moment on.

Thanks again for taking the time to give me your thoughts!!


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