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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I don't know anything about the challenge that you wrote this story for, but the idea was really original. I always felt like the Hermione I knew from the books was going to be this sort of parent, especially where her daughter was concerned. Over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-reacting and over-protecting... Hermione isn't one to do something halfway. Your characterization of all three canon characters was spot-on perfect.

Her interaction with Ginny was masterfully written. Ginny has so much more experience with crushes, plus she's calmer and more level-headed. I thought it was great how she was trying -- and failing -- not to laugh at Hermione for being so overly worried. Her advice was sage on this topic.

Hermione's conversation with Rosie was appropriately halting and awkward. There's just no easy way for a parent and child to have this conversation. But I like the way that you slowly and gradually broke down the walls. Nothing came off as too easy, and there were some missteps before Rose finally opens up. Bribery with cookies and promises of a trip back to the park were great tactics.

And then we come to the encounter in the park. You had me going for a while with the Finnegan kid. I guess I've read too much Next Gen fan fic, because at some level I just had a feeling that it was going to be Scorpius. Once again, you let the story develop nice and slow, which I really appreciated. A lot of people have a tendency to rush through one-shots, but you have a knack for taking your time without the story feeling pokey. I really like the way that you characterized Fleur, the wise, older expert on all things love-related.

There just isn't much I can suggest in the way of improvement. This is very well written. Your writing flows nicely, you have a great mix of narrative and dialog and the pacing is really great. Good work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!

The challenge was to keep the one-shot at 3000 words or less. When I wrote this, it came in at just under 4k, so I took about a thousand words out. It was a great experiment and I learned a lot about how to get to the point without sacrificing the story. :) So glad you found everyone in character and enjoyed my little piece. I certainly enjoyed your review!


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