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Review:blueirony says:
It's been a long time since you requested for a review and, for that, I apologise. I find it strange that I found time for this review once classes had started and not when you first requested and I was on holidays, but let's leave that aside.

Now, you gave me heaps to focus on in your request which makes it less likely that I'll just ramble on during this review :P So I'll go through your concerns one by one and then add in other things that I think are relevant if I find anything, okies? Okies!

1. Pace. Your pace is fine in this. It's not jerky, it's not as though you are jumping all around the place, it's not too fast that I can't keep up and it's not slow enough for me to want to fall asleep. It's just how it should be.

2. Flow. Your writing flows well. Particularly within scenes. Your sentences flow from one another and nothing is too jerky. I think that flow is something that is really easy to pick up when it's not done well. It's glaringly obvious. I couldn't find any instances of that in this. So I think you've done well with your flow.

3. Characterisation. Let's go through your characters in turn.

Firstly, Methelda. I think you have done well with her. She is a bit odd which I don't think is ever a bad thing, but she does seem to fit in well within Hogwarts and I can see her quite clearly in my mind. You haven't given us heaps on her which, again, isn't a bad thing because I think it's easy for the reader to develop their own image of her. Her voice comes across quite clearly in this and it suits her. I do, however, think that you can give the readers more about her. I want to know more about her rather than the things she does and sees, if that makes sense. I know that this is in first person and that it's really hard to, but give us background about her. What things does she like? What things are she good at?

I can't really make up my mind about Albus this early in the story. You haven't given me a whole lot about him but what you have given me, I like. I think that you can definitely develop him further. I just have a vague idea of who he is in this. If I didn't know that he was Albus Potter, son of Harry and Ginny Potter, I would really struggle to form an image of him in my head. Develop him more. Your readers will love you for it.

4. Plot. I think that your plot needs working on in this. I think that where you are falling short is your choice of using first person. Don't get me wrong, I think that Methelda is a fantastic character and I love her voice in this. It's so clear and I can easily see myself loving her more and more as the story progresses. However, I think that at the moment, this story is a series of observations by Methelda. Nothing has really happened, per say. She has some friends, she goes to Hogwarts, she is a bit quirky, she is messy. That's about it. I know that your chapters are quite short which isn't a bad thing, but I think you need to step back and introduce parts of the plot into this.

There are two easy ways to develop the plot. First, you can develop your characters. As you try and show more about your characters, the plot will start beginning to show itself. As a writer, when you plan out your characters, you don't just do it for fun. They mean something to the story. Show your readers that. Show your readers why you have chosen your characters and you will be surprised as to how quickly the plot starts revealing itself. The second easy way is to think about introducing some tension. Be it an issue with someone, a flaw of Methelda, an antagonist, but any negativity goes a long way. I'm not saying that you should blow up planet Earth or something, but just introduce something to break the contentment in this. Once you do that, you will need to resolve it and, voila, plot.

I'm not saying that you have just jumped straight into this without any care for your story. You have some well written characters who can do so much, I just want you to write them doing all the things they are meant to do. Your story, as it is now, has heaps of potential and I think you need to sit down and think about your plot because that is where the story should stem from.

5. Description. I think that your description is fine, however change what you are describing. Less of what Methelda thinks about the world, more about what she is doing and what is happening around her.

6. Grammar. I couldn't find anything grammatically wrong and you seem to have a solid understanding of your grammar so don't worry too much about it.

I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, because I honestly am not trying to make this an attack or anything! I also don't want you to think that I'm trying to stamp all the creativity out of Methelda. I know that her voice is strong and her quirkiness is what makes her her, don't get rid of her core character. I think that you just need to develop the plot and the way you write it more and work out how Methelda fits into it and you should be fine.

I really hope that you do well with this story because I think it can be something amazing.

Joop.

Author's Response: Oh dear. I really didn't expect a review today. It was exactly what i need to start writing.

I think I would start with Albus. I absolutely agree with what you said about him. I really need add more depth to his character to make him seem real.

About the plot. Your advice was extremely helpful. To be honest, I am absolutely scared about the plot ever since I first realized what's wrong with it.I just hope I can figure out how to develop this story before my readers lose interest. I don't why I am finding it to so difficult to make everything work. But I really am trying and I hope my next chapters make more sense than this one did.

About the description. point noted. I need work more on the that.

About the grammar. It's great that you didn't find any major grammatical errors in my story. There are a few typos here and there. I just need to edit them.

About the pace and flow. I am glad it's working out properly this time.

Finally about this review. I don't think I can't thank you enough for taking the time out of your busy lives to help out new writers like us. It really means a lot. Really,you guys are amazing. Thank you.



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