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Review:Akussa says:
Hi again!

I'm really falling in love with your descriptive style. When you take it one sentence at a time, it kind of feels overwhelming and a bit too much but as a whole, it just fits beautifully and doesn't feel heavy at all.

I think you really captured Luna's personality with this story; she doesn't feel like a cliché; she is Luna and that's perfect. Rolf also sounds like a great guy. I really like him so far and how accepting he is of Luna's peculiar behavior. He seems like an easy-going kind of man and it's a joy to read about him.

I noticed a couple little things in this chpater that I thought I should point out to you in an effort to help you improve this amazing story (not that it really needs improvement but, one can always try and reach for perfection, right?). Of course, these are simple suggestions, feel free to ignore them!

"...The warm path of her finger left a clear path..."; this feels a bit redundant, I would suggest writting 'The warmth of her finger left a clear path...'

"...she wiggled her one of her bare feet..."; the first 'her' should be removed, I think

Also, a couple of times, you use the word "compliment" but I feel this is wrong; shouldn't it be "complEment" instead? Or maybe it's just the French in me talking and I'm getting those two words mixed up with the French definition...

Aside from that, everything seemed perfect to me. It was a lovely read and I really enjoy the world you have created for Luna and the Luna you have created as well. It will be very nice to meet Rolf and bit more and to see how you explore his character; great work so far!

Author's Response: Wow. Your breakdown of my description in this fic sort of left me speechless. I always worry about drowning the reader in Luna's thoughts and observations... so I'm very glad to hear that it seems to work. I have had a lot of fun crafting Luna into a real character instead of a characiture. And Rolf is dreamy. lol. Ahh. typos.

I never really took this story seriously until I realized how much attention it was getting in the Dobby arena. It's currently being beta'd for small things, but I really appreciate all the things you've pointed out. I hate errors.

Thank you so much. You're fabulous.


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