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Review:AndrinaBlack says:
I like your writing style, and although this was a rather heavy chapter with a lot of information about Gringotts I still liked it a lot and it makes me want to know more. It was great to know a little more about Fleur and her background as well as about the workings on in Gringotts. It shows that you have put a lot of thought into all of it.

One thing that's a bit unclear for me in this chapter is about her work placement. It sounds like she just about had something good at Gringotts before her mum said no or would she have needed some help with that still? Or didn't she have anything yet. Because what I didn't understand was why she changed her plans and took just any job from Gringotts. That shouldn't be affected by how she was leaving home, with or without permission. I don't know if I'm being unclear here myself. :P What I mean is that I understood that she had chances for a better job before, but took a more boring one when she didn't have permission from her mum to go. And I don't understand why.

Another thing I want to mention is the accent. You do it well here. I loved how she thought about how she sounded and how she pronounced words in the beginning of the chapter. I know I've done that too. Sometimes you get really conscious of how you sound, especially if you are otherwise nervous too and she was tired here. But I would be careful with how much you actually write out the accent because this is from her point of view. So basically in her head she at least tries to sound like the words should sound, if you know what I mean. It does work here with writing out the accent too though, because it is mentiones that she is tired and consicious herself that she doesn't quite pronounce the words as the natives do or even as good as she could.

I loved to see Bill here too. I think the scene with him was sort of cute and funny, though he was a bit annoying too. :P I love by the way how you write Fleur so that it shows that she's a really intelligent person. Many don't do that and I know I forget myself at times even when reading the books how nice, good, brave and smart she can be because a lot of the comments we get about her come from Molly, Ginny and Hermione who aren't fans.

Great chapter! I will definitely continue reading. :)

Author's Response: Thankyou! Yes, it was very information-heavy because I was trying to paint a picture of what it would be like to work at Gringotts, but it's probably a bit too confusing - I think that because I've been imagining it the whole time, I wanted to explain it too far :P But thankyou; I'm glad it's apparent!

Oh dear, I need to edit that point to make it more clear that she was originally just taking a summer job, and then because she was banned by her mum, had to take any job she could so she could get away to England. *notes down for edits*

Ooh I'm glad you think the accent works ok! It's such a difficult balance to get, because how much of an accent would she lose? And how can I write it so it's not incoherent?! I'm very glad you like that Fleur listens to her voice, because I think she would be so self-conscious about anything that wasn't perfect. Thankyou, I'll keep that in mind :D I'm glad it does sort of work, though!

Hehe yeah, Bill was annoying there! But I'm glad you liked it, and how Fleur isn't a shallow Veela. You're right - just because people were prejudiced against her doesn't mean that their views are all that count.

Yay, thankyou! :)


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