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Review:LilyFire says:
You've got a good level of description here. I would suggest fixing the spacing a bit to only one space between paragraphs, saving more spaces for when you're showing time passing or something. Also, I would say if you're going to italicise something, no to underline it as well. If you want to put emphasis on a specific italicized part, then you should un-italicize it instead of underlining it.

Hope this helped! You have a good one-shot. Just try to keep what I've said in mind :)

Author's Response: Excellent! Description has always,always been the worst part of my writing,so Im glad to know i did fairly decent this time! I underlined it because it was a quote for a challenge:P so I tried to make it as easy as possible for her to know what the quote was! Thanks for the review!

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