Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Brittanique says:
Hey, Brittanique here with your requested review! I just want you to know that I take notes while reading so I may jump around a bit.

First of all, I would love to say that your descriptions are pretty amazing. I feel like I am right there, sitting at the bar watching James pester Sirius about Marlene on his lap. I can feel the love and warmth of the bar all the way from here, which is the most important part of writing; allowing the reader to join the world. And the best part of your descriptions? You don't shove them down my throat which I find a little too often. You gave me just enough to set the scene and then backed off while I filled in the rest and it was pleasant. Thanks.

Your flow is pretty awesome as well. While your transitions from dialogue to description weren't very distracting I would suggest that you work on your voices. Hagrid's voice was impeccable, and I can feel that Rosmerta is awesome but Melma was a little lost in the crowd for me. I'm not saying she was terrible, I just feel that she wasn't as shining as she could have been.

However, it is not that big of a deal, it is only the first chapter.
As I said in my previous paragraph, you got Hagrid's voice perfectly. I loved his little scene when he was telling her about Fang. The funniest thing is that I can actually see him reacting that way when he first got Fang, it was as if J.K. herself wrote that scene. I was very impressed with your Hagrid.

Rosmerta, on the other hand, was a little bit flat. She seems like a great character and I'm sure you're just warming her up but Im not quite sure what it is. She seems like a loveable character and I cannot wait to get to know her better. As I said before, it is the first chapter and I cannot expect to know everything about everyone right away. I do like the voice you've given to her though, and I'm excited to be going on her journey because she seems like the kind who will become a favourite if given the chance.

The ending was a little teary for me. She seemed so happy and positive that I was not quite expecting it even though the first war was going on. It seemed that the 'Broomie' was a place to let all the fears go away so I assumed she had none as she seems to spend every moment in there. Well done.

-Brittanique

Author's Response: Hi! ♥

Thanks so much for a brilliant review.

Ah, descriptions are actually quite hard for me so I'm pleased with what you said about them! This is my story where I'm focusing on quality of writing instead of just fun, hyper, cliche characters. So I'm putting loads of effort in. I think I rewrote the first chaper about 5 times, and have a beta!

:D

Oh, I'll remember to work a bit on Melma in the next chapter. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT HAGRID LIKE THAT! Honestly! Everyone's been saying he's brilliant and I'm like 'whoa!'
THANK YOU ♥

She seemed a bit flat? Wow, I was worried she was the otehr extreme.
But thanks for your advice

LWG


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 699
Submit Report: