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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
So I'm finally here with your review, as promised in my challenge. :)

One of the things I liked about this story was how you delved into the two characters and their love. When Cho said that Cedric had made her her a better person, I felt how much that meant to her and what it spoke of their relationship. But she also admitted that she was not perfect, that she did not know everything, when she said that she wished she could have said she knew their perfect love would die. To me, that was a pretty good display of maturity, even if the Cho we know is always crying.

Even if you didn't mention at the end that this was for the "Find Your Style" challenge, I still would have seen that that was what you were going for. In many cases, I think it worked. You had some beautiful lines in here, and they wove plenty of images. My favorites were these: "The serpent of her uneasiness wormed its way through the throng, leaving its seeds of doubt behind to take root in their minds" and "their love had been forged in fire, set in cool waters."

However, there were still moments when it seemed, to me, that you were trying a bit too hard. For instance, some of the words felt more out of a thesaurus than anything else, and a little out of place. This is only how it came across to me, remember. These are a few of the places I'm thinking of: "The present was merely transitory for him, a respite before he ascended to his destiny," and "her life was not yet ossified." The difference between these and the ones above, which I liked better, is unnecessarily large words. My favorite images were conjured up with simple words in complex arrangements, not complex words in simple sentences. This may be a personal preference, but it's worth mentioning.

But the repetition, the main reason I'm here, was spot on. I think one of the reasons I put up the challenge was because I love that moment in a story when everything clicks, when what's already been said in bits and pieces lines up and the story falls into place. I don't think I'm alone in that, and thus the challenge was born. Here, my aha moment was in this line: "And they never lived in the past." It all made sense from there, even though you'd been saying the same thing all along. It turned it from a sad story of a boy with potential to a hopeful story of girl who will continue the boy's practice of looking ahead instead back. It's comforting to see that by remembering Cedric, Cho can both respect him and move on at the same time. The repetition really turned the story around, which was great.

So, overall, well done. It was an enjoyable story to read, and about as happy as a story about death can get (unless you're into comedy, I suppose :P) Good luck in "finding your style," and thanks for joining my challenge!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the review-sorry it took me so long to respond.

Definitely, this Cho is more mature than the girl in the books. This was intentional, partly because I think this is set when she's older, but also because I feel like Cho really was upset at Cedric's death and needed to come to terms with it.

I'm glad you liked the language, for the most part. You make a good point about simple words in complex sentences being more affective. While I didn't use a thesaurus when writing this, ossified maybe is too clunky for this story. I think I see your point about it sounding out of place.

The line you mentioned was what I had intended for the turning point in the story to be. :D I think you've got it just right: it does go from memories to looking to the future at that moment. I really found it fun to try to put repetition into your challenge, because, while it is something I do naturally, here I tried to think about where it would be most effective.

Thanks for posting such a wonderful challenge! And I'm glad you enjoyed this piece.


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