Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:PenguinsWillReignSupreme says:
Clusters of students dotted the olive-green earth, enjoying the release that came with the lull of finishing something and knowing you weren't expected to start anything else just yet.

I am actually yearning to feel that again. 3 and a half months and I hope I shall be doing that very same thing ♥

I am, however, going to have to pull you up on some of the Americanisms. Quad, for instance - courtyard would probably work better. I've never heard something called that before in the UK. Similarly, the issue of graduation. I know it's awkward for you to change it but it really does knock the story completely off balance for me. I would go through and edit them out to 'leaving' - definitely no 'happy graduation' or similar sentiment. We're not that bothered about leaving school :P

There are tonnes of positives though: the insight into Victoire's condition (perhaps could have been a little clearer as I had to read it twice to get my head around it), her characterisation and that of everyone else, the mark that activates the circle of people was really interesting and unique etc. Her relationship with Teddy comes across really well too and I repeat: everyone feels so human.

This chapter felt a little choppier than the last and I think you could maybe improve the flow a bit. The part with the revelation of who Iska is was a bit odd: it would perhaps be better to intersperse Victoire's feelings with the dialogue because at the minute, it feels like two separate blocks.

These are all little niggles, really. There are absolutely no major issues in the story whatsoever. This was quite a long chapter and there was a lot to take in so I think once you've sorted out the issue of the flow, it'll be absolutely fine.

Please feel free to rerequest! I'd love to read more but definitely need requested reviews as an excuse not to do work :P


xx

Author's Response: YES! I love the lulls, it was actually quite nice to channel that feeling again while writing this (I've experienced far fewer of those moments since joining the workforce) :P

I wish you a very fulfilling lull in 3 and a half months ♥

Urgh, even when I TRY my American shows! I got Quad from HP Wiki when I re-wrote the whole scene around the seventh years leaving on the boats to be more authentic. Yep, I definitely should have axed that last line -and Grant's comment- in the edit for sure.

I'll catch those when I tweak the flow. I can't tell you how helpful it is to get specifics on where things get bumpy. :)

Thank you so much for the awesome review, the helpful comments, and the encouragement! I'll give you a little break from me, but will certainly be back in your thread again.

♥ Ty


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 417
Submit Report: