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Review:Brittanique says:
Hey, Brittanique here with your requested review! I just want you to know that I take notes while reading so I may jump around a bit.

My first thought was simply that Sirius seemed a bit out of character to me. Maybe because I don't see him as the lovey-dovey type in my head, but I found it a bit of a nice change from what I'm used to. Imagine my surprise when he kept thinking the same thing as I was which makes me feel a bit better about mentioning it.

My second thought was simple, again. The pace, for me, was too fast. This has the potential to become excellent, but I wished you had slowed down just a bit. Maybe give a little more background information. Some monologue would have been nice as well. Also, I would have loved some more description. There was not nearly enough for me, but I understand that is how some writers write and I can get used to that but, in all honesty, I don't enjoy reading it that way.

I prefer to be shown and not told. An example I can use from your story would be when Sirius comments on how she looked but never really "showed" I would have been happy with something as simple as "her sallow eyes and sunken cheeks showed me how she must have felt…" If you get what I'm saying? It's always better to show your readers instead of telling them something.

As I said above, I would have loved some more background information about Sirius and Aura, both together and separately. It was nice to learn just a bit more about her in the hospital room but I would definitely have loved for some more juicy tidbits.
I loved their little talk in the hospital wing though. It was cute and everything. I liked how she attempted to lighten the mood. Again I don't know their history together so the ending wasn't as heartfelt as it could have been but it was cute nonetheless.

All in all, I think this has great potential, but it just needs a little bit more work.

- Brittanique.

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