Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums with your long-awaited review. :]

Your concerns first, then mine, okay?

Pacing: this was perfectly fine. The beginning was dramatic and fast-paced, but it calmed into something deeper and I liked that a lot.

Flow: nothing to complain about here. It was a bit odd (and unexplained) why James and Sirius were doing such an odd job on Christmas, rather than Aurors. But it didn't kill the story.

Characterization: I liked this a lot. I think James and Sirius were just goofy enough and Lily was my favorite. She was so demure and sweet, but you can tell she's still being strong when James isn't there. The only odd part characterization-wise was the bit about the blankets. I think it was a bit too childish and corny that James was trying to make Sirius angry by conjuring a pink blanket. And I feel like he wouldn't even care, so I don't know if that prank would be successful. Also, I feel like, with the war going on, James would be more worried about leaving Lily and scared for her safety.

Dialogue: This wasn't bad. It was a little hard to follow at times (the part about what Dumbledore would do in their situation got a bit confusing and lame, but it wasn't terrible). Overall, I didn't think anything was too bad.

Plausibility: I sort of mentioned this above. I don't know if James would have really felt comfortable leaving Lily alone. And I feel like they were doing a strange job that wasn't really explained. The importance of it was sort of skipped over: it seemed like something any other Auror or Order member could have done, so I was a little confused as to why it was Sirius and James.

Originality: I haven't read anything quite like this before, so I think you're good here. :]


And, my thoughts: I think you really covered everything in your concerns. I liked your tone/voice towards the end (in the part with Lily). I think that was my favorite part. She's obviously very young and sweet and I liked that. Lily's such a great character and I think you really captured that. Well done.

Overall, great job. I think you did well. Thanks for requesting a review!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)

Yeah, you pretty much covered all the concerns I had, so it's good to know what I need to work on. I'm glad you liked Lily's characterisation, that's something I really worked on, but i'll have to go back and continue to develop James and Sirius more.

Thanks again for this,
- Adele. :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 628
Submit Report: