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Review:justonemorefic says:
Draco on his own, I see! I love to see a bit more in that scene with his mother, since you say they're close. Knowing the Malfoy family, it's a huge deal to sort of... leave the nest in a way.

Woops! looks like you left an open italics tag.

Ah! She's a writer. I was wondering about that section about Sam and Lucy. Tehehe, Sam and demon reminded me of Supernatural. She likes writing fantasy, then?

Poor Draco. Can struggle through war; doesn't know how to buy coffee. Ha, she's quite forward isn't she? Asking about a death in the family so outright. Is she supposed to be really observant? I'm not sure if, for meeting someone the first time, she would figure out so much. Unless she's Sherlock ;D if you watch that.

Draco, you didn't even pay!

You've got an interesting start! ^__^ I think the idea of a muggle and Draco would be quite fun to play out. You might want to watch your scene transitions, because they sort of jump around. I don't know why Draco's in a coffee shop, for example. Also, I think you should show off Draco's personality a little more in your first chapter, beyond what he sees in Alice, because that's most of his observations right now - about her. Taking some time to set up the scene a bit more, and showing his background and where he is in his own life will go a long way.

Author's Response: I love writing Draco! He's so fun!
Woops, thanks for pointing that out! I'll fix it asap.
Haha yeah my friend pointed that out when she read it as well (The Supernatural thing) Haha, watching wizards cope with muggle life is funny :P
Haha yeah I watch Sherlock :D She is just very observant.
Scene transitions? Well, I shall work on that then. Thanks for pointing that out :D
Thank you for such an amazing & helpful review!!
Jaz


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