Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
Thank you for entering the challenge, first of all, especially when it results in a great one-shot like this! It's refreshing to see someone writing this scene from Lily's perspective because I've often read Snape's side of the story (I suppose we owe that to "The Prince's Tale"), but Lily's remains less explored. Certainly the way that you focused on her suffering in that moment while she deals with the aftereffects of having her best friend insult her in such a derogatory way distinguishes this story, at least for me. I've always had such a hard time understanding Lily's side of that scene and why she reacted in the way that she did, but you explain it well here, making her treatment of him right after this one-shot takes place understandable. She did it because he destroyed her fragile world, a world perhaps more fragile than she'd ever admit to anyone.

And you did all of that in 500 words. Impressive. ;)

The second half of the story was far more effective than the first half, I have to say. I could see the point where you really started getting into Lily's point of view and properly connecting with her character whereas, in the opening section, about up to the "because it came from him", you seem to be grasping for the best way to enter into her mind. You have the right ideas with the whole tragedy vs. comedy concept, but the language there needs some more work to bring it up to the quality of the ending.

Great work on this story and the best of luck with the challenge! It would be a treat to see you explore this characterization of Lily further somehow, as hearing from her in the first person with this amount of depth and emotion is hard to find. :D

Author's Response: Hi Violet, thank you so much for your compliments. Honestly, I'm amazed that you felt like i captured her in those moments after. Lily has always been a bit elusive to me and I haven't seriously tried tackling her and how she acted and who she was. I'm pleased that you felt i captured the idea well.

About the beginning, I feel like it's shaky too and i've changed things around a few times to try and chip away at my dissatisfaction with it, but it is what it is now. I will change it later but I'm taking a break away from it so i can try to get it right later. :D Thanks so much for pointing that out to me though, i really appreciate it.

Thank you again for your compliments and suggestions and thanks for giving out this challenge, it was fun to write.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 819
Submit Report: