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Review:baletgir says:
Wow, I really like where you took this in this chapter.

I am so conflicted right now. I'm glad that Molly's learning to live without all her memories, and it seems like she might not even need to get them beck, but I feel so sorry for Percy and Audrey. I can't imagine how awful it must be for your own child to not recognize you, and then for that child to completely change.

I think the quality of your writing was very high in this chapter! Everything was very clear, and there were no grammar issues besides one typo that I saw.

There is still so much I want to know though! Like who is this guy? How did her accident happen? What was going on when the first chapter started? I'm kind of disoriented about that, was that the accident itself happening? Because originally I thought St. Mungo's had been attacked or something then. And what was with the healers' outfits?

I think, depending on your answer to the last bit there, the opening of the first chapter could do with a re-write. Its a bit unclear, and the writing doesn't measure up to the rest of the story. I think you are a really good writer and should showcase that through out.

Whew, that's a lot, and not even everything! I hope the next chapter has a lot of answers! I am anxiously awaiting them!

:)BaletGir

Author's Response: The first chapter was supposed to be set in a ward at Mungo's; a ward specifically for coma patients. The healer outfits were supposed to gel with the films' portrayal of them. Madam Pomfrey was dressed in WW2 nurses clothes, so I made the older nurse reflect that, while dressing the younger nurse in more modern, up-to-date clothes. Also, in the last chapter Molly tells us that she 'was involved in an accident with a bus a month ago, and... woke up two weeks ago.' and I also specified that she woke up in a 'long white hospital ward, surrounded by sleeping patients' so I hope that clears up any confusion :)

It was quite hard to try and find a balance between Percy and Audrey being glad that they had Molly back and them being upset that she was different, but I hope that I made it work.

I answered your review backwards... :/ Thank you! :)


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