Hi! I'm here with your review.
First off, I really like this. You have Moody's personality down pact, and I admire you for writing a fic about him. I have a Peter Pettigrew fic and I know that the minor characters aren't as 'important' to some people as the others. You totally proved that wrong here. Everything was right, the flow, the personality, you really have great sentence structure and you use English very well here. I have a MAJOR criticism to add though. Your paragraphs are huge. So huge that they make my eyes hurt and I wanted to just skip them. Save your readers some pain and break your paragraphs down. For example, in the paragraph where you discuss Tonks and Shacklebolt visiting, you can start a new paragraph 'And last was the werewolf' right before that sentence.
You might also want to consider adding AU to your list of genres, considering that he died. And someone living when they're supposed to be dead is a pretty big AU thing.
Overall, great fic! I'm just deducting one point for the huge paragraphs, but besides that, you have a great eye for character personality and I look forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Hi yourself! :) Thanks so much for taking my request, I really appreciate it!
Thanks so much for the tip about the long paragraphs. You'll laugh at this, one of my teachers criticised my essays because my paragraphs were too short, he said I should bungle several ones together; so I guess I went from one extreme to the other. Sorry about the long paragraphs. I've fixed them, and I've divided the really huge ones into tw0 or three paragraphs and I've tried to divide the medium sized paragraphs as best I can too. So cheers for the tip, I've fixed things and the edits should clear the queue pretty soon; cheers!
I'm not sure what you mean about the AU thing... I never intended this to be AU. I've followed Canon on this one. I mean, it's set during "Goblet of Fire", and Crouch and Wormtail don't kill Moody in the end, they just stun him and then lock him in his trunk - there is a flash of red light (not green) that's a stunning spell, isn't it? Maybe I didn't make that clear enough, maybe I should change the last line, to make it more clear; showing he is not dead, merely stunned. When I said brought to his knees, I only ment defeated, not killed. He was defeated - for the first time in his life, a Death Eater defeated him in battle; that's what I intended, I never meant for the reader to think he died. I'll definitely go and fix that.
Anyway, all that aside, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was really apprehensive about this fic, because I've never done Moody before. I was slightly afraid that I had done something wrong and that's why people were not reading it, but maybe that was just because of the big paragraphs. Anyway, thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story! Cheers ;)