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Review:killinglonely says:
Hi! I'm here with the review you requested.

First things off, I really enjoy their relationship. They are paired well together and they're realistic, it's not overdramatic and over the top. I respect writers who write great ships because it's hard to find that in this day and age, especially when all the magic is nearly gone out of fanfiction and it's all just mushy crap. I like how you're including action in this and it isn't all about love. That makes it more appealing to a wider range of people.

Moving on to the bad...

Story wise, nothing is too bad. I found the Marauders' interactions a little awkward. It all seemed a bit forced, and when Sirius was ranting about how he wanted a girl with brain cells, it just seemed a bit weird. Maybe it's because we've all expected Sirius to be some kind of player from fanfiction, but the whole conversation with all of them was just a bit awkward to be. I think you could work on it more flow wise.
And when you have someone talk like "Bla bla bla." Said James, the s isn't capitalized. That's something you did often.

All in all, it's not a bad start. You've got a great gift for writing the dynamics between Sirius and his girlfriend, you really just need to work on the first section a bit and maybe put them into character more. I'd say you're having a great start, so don't let what I said get you down! (: I'm a tough critic to win over. 7/10, one point off for the 'Said', one point off for the weird dialogue at the beginning, and one point off because the story isn't finished and I'm craving more! (: Good luck

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