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Review:killinglonely says:
Second review that I owe you.

I'll start off with the good, as always. I really love Parvati and Lavender's chemistry. You make them seem like life long friends, and everything about them is realistic, like the tiny kind of but not really fights they have, and how Parvati does all this stuff for Lavender. I appreciate how much thought you put into their relationship and I like how you're not just making it about Lavender and Seamus, but about Lavender and everyone she meets.

Again, I'd recommend a beta reader. There wasn't much bothering me in this chapter but the thing at the end, well, it seems a little too cliche. She meets Seamus, who just HAPPENS to be this hot stud, and he just happens to have a super sexy girlfriend. Maybe if you wanted to make it less cliche, you could have the girlfriend calling out and then just having Lavender turn around and be surprised, and then you can describe her next chapter. The really big thing that I think you could do to make this more original is make her not give Lavender the mocking look. Seamus lives there, he's probably around female customers all the time and I hardly doubt that brunette gives everyone a mocking look, especially chunky girls like Lavender who probably don't get anything like Seamus.

All in all, you're still doing great. Don't take what I said too harshly, because you really are a talented writer and if you stop back by my thread I'll be happy to review more for you. Just work on getting rid of cliches (and while I'm talking about cliches, EW, Dramione? Please tell me that was just wizarding gossip lol) Good luck!

Author's Response: Normally I'd agree with you, cliches are very annoying, but when I was writing this story I was trying to figure out what kind of story would fit with Lavender's personality and that kind of story would be a romantic comedy with a couple of cliches in it. I made Seamus sexy just because Lavender is so beat up in all the Dramiones (I hate those) that I thought she deserved a stud.

The girl and the mocking look, well I certainly couldn't make Seamus's girlfriend nice! I have to get rid of her.

Anyway I'm glad you liked some bits of the story and I'm sorry you didn't like others. Thank you for the reviews though. :)


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