Yay for review swaps! ^_^
Alright, i'm going to jump straight in, so just bare with me, yes? Yes. :P
+ Teddy and she were best friends.
- I think this would be better as: 'She and Teddy were best friends.'
+'They had been since the past three years; since the day he’d come and confessed to her that he still liked Victoire, even after dating her back in the Hogwarts days for a brief period and then she having broken up with him, and that he needed her help to woo her sister once again.'
- This sentence is really long, and confusing. You'd be better off breaking it up into smaller ones, such as: "They'd been friends for the past three years; since the day he'd come to her confessing that he still had feelings for Victoire, even though they'd broken up after she'd left Hogwarts. He'd needed help to woo her sister once again, and Dom had agreed, not knowing she'd find her best friend in Teddy, while he maintained the on-off relationship with her sister." Something like that maybe? It's up to you. I just think it works better.
+“Three days later. On her birthday.”
- 'Three days later' is past tense, while they are discussing the future. It doesn't quite make sense. Something like:
"On her birthday..."
"That's in three days..." she murmured, and as the news sunk in, Dom felt as though her legs might give way beneath her. The air was gone from her lungs and all she wanted to do was hold Teddy Lupin and never let him go.'
Something like that. I feel having Dom say that it's three days away makes more sense, as Teddy being like, 'Oh, i'm going to propose to her in three days' doesn't sound right. It flows better with Dom saying it I think. But again, it's up to you. The rest of the sentences are fine, you just might want to look over those, as they interrupt the flow.
Characterisation - This was wonderful, and the flashback was excellently done. You really showed depth with the characters and Teddy was perfect, you really got a sense of why Dom felt that way towards him. In short, this was great.
Pacing and Flow - This was also great. Aside from the sentences I pointed out above, this flowed really well. The pacing was fine, as it was a one-shot, and really only one scene with a flash back, so there isn't anything to worry about, as such. As I said before, i'd just focus on those few sentences I pointed out, as they were a bit awkward, but other than that, this was fine :)
Dialogue - This was great, particularly at the beginning, although towards the end, I felt it became a bit forced. Not too much though, as it didn't interrupt my reading, but if you go back and edit those first few sentences, i'd have a play with the dialogue towards the end. Thought I won't worry about it too much, and wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't been reading it with a critical eye.
Description - This was absolutely beautiful in the flashback, the way you described the rain was just wonderful. It flowed well and really helped establish the scene. A sentence here or there though in the scene in the room would be great, although it works alright without.
Overall, I really enjoyed this, and am so glad that I offered to do this review swap, otherwise I don't think I ever would have read a pairing such as this one. You have a wonderful way of writing, and I am also just going to say that your banner is beautiful. ^_^
Anyway, well done and keep it up!
- Adele :)
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing! I'll keep all your comments in mind when I do an edit. They are very valuable to me :)
And I'm very glad you think my characters were "perfect", and that you found the flashback wonderful :)
Good to know the pacing and flow was fine as well, and I'll keep your pointers in mind xD
As for the dialogue, i'll see what I can do about the end. Thank you anyway :)
I'll see if I can add more description as well, though I'm glad overall you liked it, especially the flashback.
I am flattered to know that you think I have a wonderful way of writing. Thank you :) ..as for the banner, all credit goes to the artist :D
You're a great reviewer, giving so many details, thanks a lot for taking the time & effort to go through my story!! And I'm awfully sorry for the time I've taken to respond to this kind and constructive review :)