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Review:apocalypse says:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with another review for you!

Characterization: I think that you're doing a good job with the characters so far. It's quite obvious that you wanna show them as the arrogant Death Eaters who think they're better than everybody now that they know Dark Magic; you've done a good job with their arrogance and their pride. Even though I think that in this chapter the Death Eaters seemed more like a drunk gang of muggers than the Death Eaters they're supposed to be, I feel that that analogy might've worked for you. The Death Eaters are teenagers and of course, they don't know the significance of what they've taken on yet, so you can show them as immature gits who don't have a care in the world. Good job there =)

You've done a good job with Regulus. Even though he's a pureblood and a Black, I see that you've given him a sense of duty and maybe some humanity. That's an interesting characteristic you've added to his personality which I think plays out very well and makes him seem more realistic and plausible than expected.

Wilkes, Rosier and Avery have also been written well. Of course, they'd be expected to curse anyone who got in their way so the attitude that you showed for them was spot on. I also think that you've done a god job with the language. For some reason, I feel that the bad-boy language suits the Slytherins; especially Death Eater Slytherin, so the words you used and the way you made them swear seemed very appropriate.

Pacing/Flow: The pacing and the flow of the story is fine; the paragraphs are connected well and the entire story doesn't seem too fast or too slow. However, I did feel at a few points that the dialogue was getting too much which would disrupt the flow. So I would recommend keeping a good balance between the dialogue and the description so as to allow your reader to have a good idea and image of the situation your characters are in along with the dialogues they're exchanging.

I think that Bess Merriweather had a great entrance into the story. She couldn't have made a stranger appearance, seeing as she's clearly the main character and so needs to be headstrong and confident. The fact that she's Hufflepuff is a good idea. =) I did notice you write Hufflepuff with a small 'h'. You should capitalize that along with the 'P' of 'puffers'. Speaking of which I really like the way Regulus used that nickname for the Hufflepuffs'. It gave a sense of frankness which I haven't seen in stories very often. Keep it up! =)

That's it from me at the moment! It's a very nice story and a very nice idea so keep up the good work! I hope that this review helps you and that you like it =) Feel free to re-request and PM me with anything you might wanna ask! Until next time, Good Luck and Happy Writing! =DD

Author's Response: Thank you for your reviews. I really appreciated these.

The group dynamics of my little gang of Slytherins will come more clearer in next chapter. I'm really happy that their introduction to the story was successful since I really love their twisted little Slytherin world. It gives great opportunities to creepy and dark humor and who doesn't like bad boys in general?

Yay for Reg and Bessie! I'm hoping to write their relationship bit off the beaten track, but we will see how it fares out... It's great to see that Bessie made a strong impression even though we just met her for a really short while. Her Hufflepuff tendencies are coming more to surface in upcoming chapters.

The dialogue is my achilles heel, but hopefully the time will make it better. Thank you for pointing it out, it made me cringe a bit inside as well.


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