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Review:LeCygneNoir says:
Excellent story, I of course can't judge for grammar and format, but you definitely have got style, and you really master dialog. It makes it really pleasant to read, and fun to follow.
I also love your interpretation of the next-gen characters, it's unexpected to say the least. And the particular atmosphere it gives to your world.

I'd argue that it's a bit fast-paced for my liking. Descriptions, or even narrations are good, but too rare. It seems to be fully intentional, it gives it a sort of urgency, a "shoulder cam" rythm if you like -definitely cinematographic.
But I still think you could take the time to install an ambiance, through details maybe. Maybe you've seen "Once Upon a Time in America", well, the endless coffee stirring scene would be awesome in your story.

Anyway, I'll follow the Game.

Author's Response: Helloo xD Thank you, and I'm glad that it's unexpected- it's much more fun to write if people can't predict the events.

Timing is an issue, I guess, and it will slow down. I wanted to establish basics at first and, as you said, inject some urgency, but it will slow down and give you time to breathe xD

-Tasha


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