Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi! I'm so sorry I've taken this long to get this review written, but hopefully I can be of some help to you now that I'm here. What I'll do is give you some brief thoughts about each scene, and then address the concerns in your post. So, here goes :)

The first scene is an awesome way to begin the story! After so much bickering between Harry and Ginny, it's so nice to see them having a sweet moment together. If I were you, I'd consider adding a litte bit about what exactly inspired Harry to do something special for her. You can take that or leave it (the scene is great the way you have it), but that's just something I think would be cute to see :)

Xenon's scene is very intense--a lot of drama and emotion packed into a few paragraphs. Clearly, the wound from his mother's death is still very fresh for him. And my jaw literally dropped when his dad died! It seemed very out of the blue to me. While I like the fact that you made it a sudden plot twist, I would suggest adding a mention of what exactly caused his death, or at least Xenon's guess of what happened. It would add some context to that part while still keeping the shock factor :)

Dude. Just when i thought Harry and Ginny's problems couldn't get any worse, Regulus reports their activities to Voldy himself. This scene showcases one of my favorite things about this story--your ability to keep adding drama and raising the stakes. It's a great way to keep the reader's interest. I can't wait to see how this scene will play into the rest of the story!

I still can't stand James. That's pretty much all I can say about his prank on Chris. I mean, who does something like that on Christmas, of all days? What a jerk :P But that aside, I think this comic relief is well-placed after two dramatic scenes. You do a good job of balancing light and dark elements in this chapter :)

Lily and Petunia's relationship seems completely on point. Petunia finds any reason to hate her sister, which I think is sad but very in character for her. And Lily is her usual kind self. I love her in this story :)

The thing that most stands out to me in the final scene is Sirius' hatred for house-elves. Why is he so cruel to them? It just seems so mean-spirited, even for Sirius.

Okay, now here are my thoughts on how to get the story moving again:

First off, I really did enjoy reading this chapter. It's a nice glimpse into everyone's lives, and it makes for a good read. However, the main plot doesn't really move in this chapter, and I think that may be the reason you're stuck.

Here's what I would do: add another scene at the end that deals with Harry and Ginny's main story line. It wouldn't have to be anything big, just something that moves the story forward. That might give you a better jumping-off point to start another chapter. And since this chapter has a lot of filler stuff, I definitely think the ending should focus back in on the main plot. That will help give you a sense of direction as you continue :)

I hope this helps! You're doing an awesome job on this story--don't give up on it! Thanks for the request :)


Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for coming back to my story! And don't worry about the time, I completely understand that =)

I know what you mean about the first scene! It had been so long since I had written something good for Harry and Ginny, I thought that this was the perfect moment to do that. I thought that it was a pretty weak scene but judging by your comments on it, I feel that it wasn't that bad after all!

Well yes, I did have to kill off Xenon's father in order to put him in the emotional state that would eventually lead to the end of the story. His emotions are tied to the story very deeply and I think you know as well as I do how important they would be for the future chapters. I'm glad you were surprised by the death, it was my intention! However, you are right about it being so sudden that the reason got mixed up in there. I thought it had been obvious but when I read it over after your review, I realised that it needed to be more prominent.

You see, after X's mother died, his father had lost his wish to live. Basically, he became an alcoholic and so by this chapter, he had lost so much of his life, that there was nothing left worth living for. His drinking habit caused his death and X had known that his father would eventually die. One might ask why X had been so ruthless towards his father; the answer to that would be that his father had never really been affectionate with him and had never really given X the respect and love that he had deserved.

Haha, I loved it when you said 'Dude'! =P I use that word a lot too and I just couldn't stop grinning when I read it in this review. Well, there's not much about the Regulus scene that I can say that wouldn't reveal my intentions. Although I'm really very glad to see you catching up on things and guessing who Reg was actually talking about =) I'm having fun playing with the plot and I'm very happy to see you liking it. I can't wait for you to find out what this scene's importance actually is! =D

Haha, yeah, I know James is being the jerk here. =P But I promise, it's getting better in the next chapter. And thanks for commenting about the comic relief. That's the main part of the chapter I'm having problems with right now as well, so I'm glad I was able to pull it off in this one!

I love Lily in this story too! She's the best and I love her =) I'm glad you thought that I had written the relationship well; it was pretty difficult in imagining the entire scene first, but I'm glad I pulled it off! =D Hehe, I know that Sirius hatred of house-elves came on too strong in that scene. I'll try to edit that out, but I think that I will probably explain that somewhere in the future!

Thanks for the idea about the scene in the end! I had thought about that too, but I had discarded that idea, because I wanted this chapter to stay light and filler-ish. I'm going to use your idea for the next chapter though =) Plus, I'm not really stuck on moving the plot along; I have a fairly good idea where it's going and how it's going to get there. The problem I'm having is with pranks and the humour. I'll PM you about that if you don't mind me explaining further =)

Thank you so so much for your review Maggie! It has lifted up my spirits again and I have that drive back in me which'll force me continue my writing! Really, I appreciate this a lot and I would hug if you were here right now! =D THANK YOU! Love you!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 195
Submit Report: