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Review:VioletBlade says:
Plot: Again, another short chapter, although longer than the first one! So I'll do my best to cover everything! First thing: The interjected part about the flashbacks had me really confused. It broke the flow of the story and made me have to jerk in and out of the present day. There are ways to make it less choppy and I think that would be to start a flashback and go with it until the end, so you're not jumping back and forth. Another thing was that I found it odd that she agreed to be this guy's girlfriend and yet she's barely spent any time with him! The reader also knows practically nothing about him too. I find it hard to believe though that Jen wouldn't have been worried about the rumors going around and how that would affect her new relationship. Guys tend to get really jealous! Just something to think about! :) Last thing was the bit where she sleeps in the guy's dorm. Not only would that be considered highly inappropriate, I don't really think it adds to your story. She can be best mates with Mauraders without sleeping in their beds, especially with a new boyfriend. On a brighter note: You had very good plot development, something that kept the reader interested until they got to the end and that cliffhanger was WHOA. Haha.

Characterization: Jen: I think you're keeping in character with her, but I struggle with why she isn't more angry about the rumors flying around about her. I think that needs some explanation. I did like the description scene in the very beginning of the chapter, it shows that she has wants and needs and makes her a more well-rounded character overall.

Lily: I think Lily's become a lot more out of character in this chapter. First, she doesn't report Jen sleeping in the boys' dorm, something Lily would definitely have issues about. Second, she spreads nasty rumors about her best friend, and Lily's always struck me as a loyal friend, even if she's mad at you. Third of all, the pregnant thing isn't canon, so I don't know what you're planning there.

Grammar: Again, the spacing in this chapter really distracts from the story you're writing, which is a shame since it's good! Other than that, here are some things I saw:

"You're already late for Hogsmede!"

Author's Response: Okay, thanks again!
Explaining:
She decides she might need to settle down at some point; Aaron is right there. :P
And she's just carefree. Doesn't really care about rumors. I'm sorta like that. Its like, whatever. They can think whatever.
Aaron doesn't get much explaining here, I know. He should in the next few however.

Haha, I know. Next chap has another, I may rerequest.

Hm, i suppose Lily is a bit OOC, ah well. I'm not sure where this is going, but it will stay to cannon so I suppose I'll need to chaneg that. :3

Oops. Yeah, I know. Thanks though. Your review got cut off. :( Ah well.


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