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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks again!

I really liked this chapter too! You really advance your characters and differentiate them pretty good. Though I will admit, I get confused every once in a while with which character is being followed. Because sometimes you’ll have two sections of Eileen and then suddenly there will be a section of May, followed by Alyssa. So it just…I get a little caught up in telling which character is being followed. But really, I do like all three of your main characters.

Flow wise, it was pretty good. But again, there were phrasing, spelling and grammar mistakes that made it hard to read at times. I would really suggest a Beta, just to read it over and catch some of those errors. Some of it was comma usage; other parts of it were problems with general phrasing. It got a little confusing.

I also enjoyed some of the other small things you added. The beginning imagery with the comparison to Christmas was pretty cool. I also liked the concept of creating different spells and potions. Creating spells really wasn’t something I thought much of, which is mildly entertaining as Snape does create his own spell and I never really thought about it. And Half-Blood Prince is one of my favourites…anyway; it was a really brilliant idea. Even the potion thing. That was a pretty cool idea, making new potions to help with nightmares. It was great!

Overall, this was another good chapter. I enjoyed reading it! Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you for the review :)
I'm happy that you liked it, I'll look over the chapters and try to make sure that the swaps between characters are a bit more clear, there are however sometimes when I'll want the reader to be a bit puzzled about who it is, but being in a constant focus on who's being followed isnt good :/

I have tried to get a beta for this, but I guess I'll just have to go again, to make the story live up to it's full potential :)

I'm very happy that the spell-creating caught you, haha I've always been wondering how snape and people made their spells, cause it cant simply be wave the wand and see what happens, so i had to think something up for that :)

The potion making is actually more of a parallell to snape since Eileen is his mother, kind of made me want to show the connection :)

again thank you so much for reviewing



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