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Review:marinahill says:
I'm quite surprised that this is your first try at angst! This was beautiful and sad and I felt for Penny so so much.

You gave real flesh to the bones of her character. Her insecurities were so believable and real and she kept to those even up to the end when she finally stepped out and overcame them, because she took that beautiful photo of Percy, yet she was vowing never to show it to him, probably because she was unsure as to what he would say. Percy, too, was well characterised. His idea for the book was sweet and sad too, it was a nice way to immortalise Penny and her work and the battle itself and all those who lost their lives.

The metaphor of the pennies in the pond was beautifully written. I loved how it linked in to her name and then at the end you brought the piece full circle with the same metaphor. Really well done.

A small thing about commas - I felt that you used too many commas at times, especially at the start. Generally a comma before "and" isn't necessary. A comma separates two clauses, which when separated should be able to make sense on their on. Sometimes your commas interrupted the flow a bit but it's a simple enough thing to rectify and it didn't affect the overall effect of the piece so it's only a minor thing, really.

Overall, I really enjoyed it and loved reading about Penny :)

Marina

Author's Response: Wow, really? I have no words to say how proud I am that you think it's good, because you are such an amazing writer yourself!

I always make sure that my characters have realistic insecurities, because I think that really helps ward off the ol' Mary-Sue.

I thought a book was a very Percy-ish thing to do, because he was always quite study-orientated, but yet I can imagine him making a great romantic gesture.

I didn't actually mean to bring it full circle, it just sort of happened, but I was very happy with it when it did. I usually have a lot of difficulty with metaphorical stuff, but I think (hope) this worked out well.

I'm terrible at commas! I will go through and fix that asap! Thank you SO much for pointing that out. It's very helpful.

Thank you, again,
Charlie
xx


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