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Review:ginerva_molly_weasley says:
Hey :D Congratulations on writing your first ever fan fiction! I know it must be scary and nerve wracking but everyone has to start somewhere.

The flow of the piece to start of with is good, introducing several different events that happen, first with throwing us into the angsty action at the beginning, then including the bit about the dark arts, then the train journey. You have given us a lot of information about the story in the first chapter but whilst it seems to fit well please do be careful not to include too much action as it may seem a little rushed.

The writing within it's self is good however there are quite a few mechanical errors such as you writing 'Mays' instead of 'May's' and then 'lightener' instead of 'lighter'. These errors could be easily overcome if you considered getting a Beta for your story as it would make the piece easier to read and overall more grammatically correct.

You have also introduced a lot of characters in the first chapter and whilst I know with your first fan fiction is is so easy to get carried away and give a lot away in the first chapter, sometimes it's good to hold off introducing some of your main characters in latter chapters however with this story it seems to work quite well.

The characters also seem to have quite clear personalities that you've pointed out and you've also used a lot of description which can really make us connect with the characters. This is a good skill to have as the reader wants to read on to see more character development.

As far as I can tell, apart from the first paragraph you haven't yet revealed much of the plot and as this is a novella piece then this gives you a lot of information to release throughout further chapters.

Overall I think or your first fan fiction this is a very good piece and an inticing first chapter articularly because the characters are quite little written about really, especially Tom at school, so well done on being ambitious.

Author's Response: First of all thank you so much for the lovely reviews, I'm one of those who never consider myself above anything but love to get CC since the only way to improve, and see what needs to be improved, is by being told :)

I understand that the story can feel a bit rushed if I throw in too much action. This chapter worked pretty well with it but I'm guessing some of the later might've been a bit too hasty so I'll certainly try to tell a bit more between the main events so that the reader gets time to settle with what's happened before something new does.

I felt a need to introduce my three characters in the first chapter to make the "mystery" of the start even bigger, like you know one of them will stand before him having to commit a murder but you dont know who :)

Thank you again for this review and I'll make sure to try and clarify things a bit more :)

*huggles*

Cheery


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