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Review:BettyMaeStrange says:
I've enjoyed these chapters a lot - stories including Tom Riddle in his school years have always been very intriguing to me, and I think you've portrayed his sly character brilliantly. I hope we can see more of him in the future! ;D

You offer great, detailed descriptions which really engage the reader, but I'm going to be horribly honest and say that I'm not entirely sure what's going on.

You jump around a lot in between scenes, and I often find myself questioning how A just got to B. You mentioned that Eileen was 'Petrified', but when I was reading Alyssa's actions in the morning, I had no idea Eileen was even there or that Alyssa had even cast a spell on anyone. I know it's monotonous, but sometimes you need to literally spell it out to the reader what's happening, or else they'll be reading things in a state of confusion which needs to be avoided to keep the flow going.

Another thing (I'm so sorry for this - I don't mean to sound mean, I'm honestly trying to help!) is that you haven't specifically stated what the character's feel towards one another. What does Alyssa feel about Tom? What's her relationship with William? Who IS William, and also who is Keenan? Again, make it blindingly obvious who these characters are, even if you mentioned it in a previous chapter. With the first few, the readers aren't going to be entirely settled with the story, so small details aren't going to be fully digested.

Alyssa seemed to be friends with Eileen, and yet suddenly she hates her. Has she felt like this for a while? I think what's missing is background information on the girls' friendship to add a sense of familiarity with the characters and make us feel more comfortable with them. I'm not entirely sure what anyone's intentions are in the story, but I'm assuming that's what the secret is - you're definitely keeping us hanging!

I did enjoy this chapter, but I'm just a bit confused about what's happening, and I'm so sorry for the CC, but I hope you've found it helpful! I look forward to reading the next chapter!

Bethan. x

Author's Response: THANK YOU! for being completely honest and stating what you think; This is one of the best reviews i've gotten because it tells what I need to think about. A lot of pointless praise never created anything :P

Ah, I never realised that so much could fall out of my story; In the start Eileen is sleeping in the common room and Alyssa is just being mean (that this might be a bit confusing I understand, I was in a complete outrage after she had done that because it wasnt in my plan! she just decided to jinx her on her own behalf... took me a while to fingure my way out of that situation actually XD)

I'll work to clarify things in my story to make the actions clearer and open to everyone while still maintaining the mystery :)

Actually I dont know about Alyssa and Eileen yet, I'm pretty sure that they have known eachother but not how well. I intend to let their actions towards one another make more sense in following chapters.

As well as I'm going to stir things up a bit ;)

The main thing with my story is that no-one knows what will happen and that makes it all the more exciting :)

I'm very happy that you enjoyed my story and that you'd like to continue reading it :)

Thank you for such a lovely review,
I'll do yours tomorrow :)



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