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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Hello! Nymphie Tonks here with your requested review :)

This was a fairly interesting start. I havenít read an over amount of stories with Rosemerta in them so I was sort of excited to get more of a taste of her character. And you really did characterize her well. I feel like I get a fairly good feel for her character and her love of having people in her pub. It really is cool. I would, though, suggest maybe more of an insight into her thoughts and her emotions? What you have is good, but I think it really help to develop her character.

With characterization, I also must say you put Hagrid in there perfectly. You write the words how Hagrid would say them, and you do so impressively well. I find him a fairly difficult character to write in that realm, so itís great you did it so nicely.

I would, flow wise, suggest you be careful with the time changes. The main one I saw was between Rosemerta talking with Emmeline and Caradoc and the 1 AM time. Maybe put in an asterisk in between those passages, just to sort of separate them? You donít have to, as thatís just my personal preference in spacing. But really, the flow was great too! I didnít see many problems at all with sentence structure. It all seemed great.

And I think you have it set up alright to keep going on with the story. You have the start of a conflict with the Death Eaters, so Iím sure that could lead up to some interesting occurrences. Also, with Rosemerta being alone. That could really lead you onto bigger and better places plot wise. I would suggest maybe bringing that up before the end of the chapter? Maybe at the beginning when Rosemerta is talking about having people in the pub?

--One other thing: Why was Rosemerta called Bella? I was thinking maybe her first name, but Iím not sure.

Otherwise, this was a really good start. I enjoyed reading it, and please donít hesitate to ask if you have any questions about anything I had to say :) Great Job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hiya! SO sorry it's taken me a while to respond ^_^. Thank you for a wonderful review!

Yeah, I'm definitely going to work on her inner thoughts in the next chapter. Actually, I worry there will be too many! :D I'm pleased you think I did a good job though.

Haha, yes Hagrid is hard! I read through loads of canon dialogue to try and get an idea of what things he'd say :)

Ok, I'll put in that asterix. you're right, it would read better. Thank you!

And that's a really good idea, I've just thought of something I can add in that will show more internal thought, and bring up the loneliness factor.

yeah, Bella is her first name. I will clarify that when I edit :D

Thanks for a brilliant review!

LWG :)


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