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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks with your requested review :)

I really rather liked this story. You give a very different view of the start of the relationship between Remus and Tonks. You open up with an Order meeting, and you describe it with very good detail. It seems to be fairly similar to what I imagine an Order meeting being. So that was good. It also flowed together nicely. It moved from one idea to the next and seemed natural as to how things happened in the meeting.

The only thing that I noticed that sort of effects the flow or understanding of the chapter is there are some points where it seems to be in third person. An example of this is here: “All those who had leant forward with excitement on hearing of the dangerous mission and opened their mouths to volunteer now gasped; their faces paling and their mouths closing. Some looked to the floor in shame, others shrank back in their chairs; being wandless changed everything.” This passage just sort of sounds more narrative than something told from Tonks’ point of view. It sounded more third person. It isn’t necessarily something to change, but it is something to pay attention to. Just make sure to make it sound as if Tonks is watching everything going on, that she’s seeing this.

The characterization of Moody, Remus, and Tonks all seemed fairly accurate too. I enjoyed the hesitancy you showed in Remus with sharing the information he had with the group. It really helped develop his character and it kept him in cannon, with what we do see of him in the books. I also love Tonks’ characterization. She easy to related to. I also love the commentary about Vincent Ginnis. Hehe, I’m not sure why but it made me laugh. :)

There are two other nitpicky errors that I found:

“Tonks?” a voice interrupted my thoughts and I was bought back to the table with a jolt; Bill Weasley had finished his update on the Goblins.” –bought should be brought.

“What I meant is that there have been several occasions when we have been called to houses under threat of Death Eater attacks where she has hesitated as soon as we found out it was a muggleborns house.” –This sentence was a little confusing. It is a bit of a run-on sentence and by the end, it was a wee bit confusing. You may want to consider revising? Also: Muggleborns is supposed to be capitalized ;)

Other than that, this was a good chapter! I rather enjoyed it! If you have questions or anything, let me know! Good job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Helllo :)

Thank you very much - the Order meeting was one of the main things I was worried about! :D That... and Dumbledore's characterisation - he's very stubbon! :P

Hmm I get what you mean with the third person - I'll edit the chapter soon and will 100% watch out for it in the coming chapters :) Thanks for pointing it out :D

Ah! I'll fix those mistakes right now :D

Thanks so much for the review :)


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