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Review:Manga_girl says:
Hi! Here I am for your requested review!

To start off with, I'm going to talk about the emotion in this piece. This is so full of every kind of feeling and emotion. It is so powerful and you can really feel what Remus is going through. I can understand how horrible it must be for all of them, you have written it so well. There is no point when you think Remus only half means it as you can feel every pain he is going through with every step he takes away from Tonks.

That brings me on to characterisation. I'll start with Remus.

I think he is written very well. Not OOC at all. From what we know in the canon, you have built on this so well and created the perfect scene. I like how you have the debates going on Remus' head between his head and his heart. This also reflects his thoughts and personality. I just love how you have written him! Definitely in character!

Tonks is written quite well. There are small parts in her speech where she doesn't sound like she does in the canon but apart from a few hiccups, she is written well. Everything seems like it would do if, let's say, JK was writing her. Her motives are done well! Mostly consistent here.

First of all, I did not spot any grammar or spelling mistakes which is good. Also, I love the way this piece flows along. There are no big interruptions and it seems to glide across each paragraph really well!

Your description is lovely. Mainly it is Remus' thoughts but you describe them so well! One thing that would be nice would be if you described exactly how Tonks looks when she wakes up. With each sentence, Remus could think something that makes him want to stay or go. That would be really powerful. Just a suggestion. :)

Overall, I really like this! Well done!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Here, fair play for giving this review mere hours after I requested! Seriously, fair play!

Thanks so much for the suggestion at the end to describe how Tonks looks when she wakes up, that's a really good idea and you're right, it would make the story really powerful! I really like that suggestion and I'm going to take it on board and add a few extra sentences there so cheers for that suggestion!

I know what you mean about Tonks not sounding as she does in the books, I can't do London accents really... I'm not from London (I'm Irish) so I don't have the knowledge to get the dialect 100% right, but I will look into it, maybe I'll have a listen to some London comedians to see if I can pick up the dialect, but first point of call, I'll re-read Tonks's speech in the HP books to see if I can improve what I have written here in terms of her speech. So cheers for pointing that out, perhaps that's the problem that's been nagging at me (the problem I can't figure out!), Tonks doesn't sound like Tonks. I'll try and fix that! Cheers for that suggestion!

I am so glad you liked the emotion and description in the story, I worked hard to improve them from what they were like in the first two drafts, so I am glad you liked them, because it means I have improved things, so thank you so much for putting my mind at ease on that front! :)

I am glad you thought I did Lupin convincingly. I find him easy to write, I dunno why, I can just relate to him, more than I can to Tonks anyway! I just I can write Lupin almost effortlessly, but Tonks is another story, I just find her so hard to write!

Anyway, thank you so much, for reviewing so quickly and for all your kind words, suggestions and everything! I really appreciate you taking the time to both read and review my story! I am definitely going to take your suggestions on board! THANK YOU SO MUCH! :)


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