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Review:atellam says:
Oh my god! My name is Adele! *squee*

*ahem* yes... so. Moving on.

This was really good, nicely done, and interesting characterisation. Slight grammar errors here and there (re: commas) but otherwise, this was lovely.

Something else to think about though - language.
At the beginning, Helena has a very relaxed tone, very modern style dialogue (which is fine. It's a one-shot fan fiction, not a novel for publication; your audience won't care too much) but then when you have her and her mother arguing, you change the speech patterns slightly to try and make it fit more with that time period. It's not bad, but because I was reading it with a critical eye, it made me wrinkle my nose at the inconsistency.

Also, the last paragraph made no sense to me. I couldn't understand who was dead, and if they were dead metaphorically (emotionally or something) or physically dead (like, I-killed-you-and-you're-lying-on-the-floor-not-breathing dead.) My thought process on reading the last paragraph: 'I wish to see her'- so she's alive? - 'who killed her?' - or not? - 'my anger got the better of me' - okay, she's dead then - 'she locked herself in Ravenclaw Tower' - woah...wait a minute. I thought she was dead?

I think you're trying to refer to how she's now a ghost, but that is never explained to the reader and makes it confusing. All it needs is a sentence here and there/rewording, and it's right as rain.

But all of that aside, i'm so glad that I read this, because I love Founders and I love Rowena/Godric and I really enjoyed this.

Hope what i've said has been useful and send through the beta stuff whenever,
- Adele :)

Author's Response: Hey
Thank you! I'm going to edit this story sometime this week so hopefully that'll banish the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

Yeah, the ending is a bit confusing. I tried to write it and leave a bit to the readers imagination but that failed epically *facepalm*

I love Rowena/Godric! and the Founders are amazing, such an underloved era though :(

Thank you!
Jaz


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