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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
Hi there. I understand that you were writing this for the sake of writing, in the pre-NaNo hype, but it had its ups as well as its downs, and for the most part I think you did pretty well.

First of all, you got inside Bellatrix's head nicely here. I can see her saying "my lord" instead of Lucius, I can see her forcing her child on Lucius and leaving him to deal, and had she had a son, I can see her despising him as much as she loved him. I can even see her sleeping with Lucius, or anyone she pleased, because she was unsatisfied with Rodolphus. Her actions and thoughts were entirely in character.

I do feel like you could have devoted even more detail to this. It's less than 2000 words, and encompasses quite a span of time. Had you wanted to, you could have delved far deeper into this relationship between Bellatrix and Draco. Mother-child situations can get quite complex, as this one is, but you did not speak as much for Bellatrix as you could have. In fact, if you wanted to, you could cut out the entire first scene when they're in bed and focus solely on Bellatrix's choices and interactions with Draco. I personally wanted to see if he ever learned he was her mother.

I'm not a huge fan of pairing up two characters and giving people different parents than in canon, but you dealt with the subject in all seriousness and did it justice. You had a good handle on Bellatrix, as I've already said, which made the story for me. I thought Lucius could have been a stronger, more confrontational, because even though Bellatrix is aggressive he'd always assumed that he's in the right, which makes for an interesting interaction. However, it was mainly about Bellatrix, so that's nor really worrying. You moved things along and kept the plot flowing, so it never grew tiresome, and had a few choice words that really nailed it. Nice job.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I did try having an "in-character" Bellatrix as well as one that was slightly out so she could fit into the premise of my story. It's very true that there could've been more detail on the story. I personally don't have a high opinion of Lucius but I can see what you mean here. Thanks!

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