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Review:atellam says:
Hi :) Thought i'd stop by and give your new story some loving.

One thing -
+ And not being able to say no, is actually the only reason as to why I am going to die.
- It took me three tires to figure out this sentence. I got what you were trying to say, but you might want to re-word it or something.

Other than that, the grammar and everything else was pretty good :)

Characterisation was good (i'm a James II fan ^_^) and I love the voice you've given him. Interesting that you've made him best friends with Scorpius. Maybe i haven't read as many Next-Gen fics as I should have, but i don't think i've read that before, so i'm interested to see how that friendship came about, particularly as Scorpius is two years below James in cannon.

Pacing and flow - This was the main flaw I found here. You were very repetitive (which when trying to make a point is fine) but it was excessively so. Numerous times within a four line paragraph you'd use the same words, just re-arranged. You might want to have a beta read over this/tidy those bits up yourself, because other than that (which dragged on the flow and pacing) this was really good.

Overall, job well done, and I hope to see this updated soon. Let me know when you do in my review thread and i'll pop over and give you my thoughts on the second chapter when it's up if you want.

Keep it up, and hope that my comments have been helpful,
- Adele :)

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