Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:KatnissMalfoy says:
Overall, I think this is cute, and I throughly enjoyed reading it. Seriously, I'm not one to gush, because I think constructive criticism helps more that "omg that was sooo good", if you get my point. And now, you're probably like, shut up, Kat, and get to the point. :)

Characterisation; I think you got Neville down pretty well, however maybe some facts could be stressed better. Eg; why he liked Luna, why he blushed when he was around her. Luna was pretty good, seeing she wasn't extremely prominent in this story, but maybe some more dialogue on her part. Does she really like Neville? That kinda went through my mind.

Flow; I think it flowed nicely. Maybe a but choppy at parts (sorry, not much help here) but this was one of your strong points.

Spelling; pretty good! No prominent mistakes found here.

Punctuation; ooh, sorry, but this was kinda weak. Remember your commas!

I'll help you out here; (I'll put the correction below the actual sentence.)
"What really happened in the broom closet Neville?"
What really happened in the broom closet, Neville?

"Thank you Slughorn!"
Thank you, Slughorn!

"'Cheer up Neville,'"
"Cheer up, Neville."

"'You know the chosen one and all'"
'You know, the Chosen One, and all"

"'Err Neville?"
"Err, Neville?"

"'I was jut wondering Neville'"
"I was just wondering, Neville"

.."'Broom closet mate.'"
.."broom closet, mate."

"'On a date Long Bottom?'"
"On a date, Longbottom?"

.. Okay. Overall, I thought it was cute and charming, just fix up the words with commas, and I think it'll be good!


Author's Response: Hi,

Thank you so much for the review! It helped a lot and I totally get your points!

I'm glad you thought that the flow and spelling was good.

I'll work on the grammar and I'm looking into getting a beta so hopefully that will help! Thank you for pointing out what you saw though!

I'll try and sort it out when I revise.

I'm glad you thought it was good!

Thank you again for the review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 298
Submit Report: