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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This definitely was an interesting piece to read- it had the ability to be longer but I think that you did a good job with the 500 words that you had. I haven't read too many stories centered around Lily in the immediate aftermath of that incident and each one that I have has been unique and very well written. I think that you did a very good job of describing Lily's emotions right after the "Mudblood" scene- it was easy to see how much it affected her. She's right in that one measly word can forever change your world.

The manner in which you wrote this story immediately put me in mind of a teenaged girl. Though thoughtful, Lily is still scared and unsure, emotions that really come out in this piece. Your characterization was good, though there weren't very many opportunities to see it shine through. The last sentence did a brilliant job of summing up the whole story- it was probably my favourite line in the whole story. That one word really does mean everything to her because, as you said, it represents the end of her friendship and her position in the war. It's her identity, what the majority of people will judge her as.

The little details that you included also helped to place the time period of this story. In particular, the line where Lily decides that she will only refer to Severus as "Snape" now solidified the power of the one word- it truly did destroy the friendship.

For me, the first sentence sounds a little awkward with the phrase "one words" because you're associating a singular with a plural- I think that it would flow better if you took out the "one". As well, the sentence "such a true statement." is a question so the period should be changed to a question mark. And don't worry- your story definitely does make sense. Though sometimes your thoughts jump from point to point, you did a good job of linking them together with the common thread of "one word". Finally, I think that a few of your sentences were a little wordy and would be more powerful if you cut them into two sentences (for example, "If everything was fine, no strange deaths, why would he need to speak at all" could be turned into "If everything was fine, if there were no strange deaths or ominous threats, why would he need to speak?" - I realize now that I just added words to your original sentence but hopefully you get the idea.)

All in all I think that you did a great job of exploring Lily's emotions in the immediate aftermath of the "Mudblood" incident in a short period of time. Your "One Word" theme definitely gives the reader something to think about. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Hi!

Wow, such a long and wonferful review, i bet it's almost as long or longer than the story itself ;D.

I'm glad you felt they fit Lily's, i was worried people might think it was a bit dramatic for he to think her life as over or as a tragedy, but i feel like people have a tendency to write these characters as if they were 10 years older than they actually are. I'm pleased that it seemed to fit her.

I've changed up some of the awkwardness and the jumping of thoughts you mentioned although i've left the strange deaths simply because of the word limit.

Thank you so much for your comments and thoughts though, i really appreciate them.


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