I'm very impressed by the story. I think it is a really hard task to start a new world of your own from scratch. And for you to be able do to that very well is just exceptional.
The emotions and moods in the story are always present and you write them very well. At the start I can just feel how grim and scary the moods are, it actually made me shiver.
Your characterisations are awesome, I think, for me, Pollock is the best thus far. He's merciless and ruthless but he has a soft spot for his daughter and I love that. I think even though he is kind of nasty, he's still nice, a very protective and caring father.
Although, I as thoroughly interested in the story, I couldn't help but wonder where's the girl in the previous chapter? I know she'll be making an appearance but I was really hoping to see her right now. But oh well, I'm only a reader, you have full control. The best thing to do is wait (:
I think the only thing you could improve on is more background detail. For example, Beau, Delilah, and Carmen why were they hiding? I would like to know a bit more background history on how the Wizards got 'extinct' and how the Vampires got where they are right now. I know it's a lot to ask but you can take it as a suggestion and feel free to just ignore it.
Overall, I think this story needs more love from the readers since this is such a well-written story and it is very unique. It can basically stand-alone without Harry Potter. But I'd like to really see how everything turns out! Ha, such a good story.
Hakuna Matata! (I just felt like it xD)
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for getting to this so quickly! (I'm so impressed!)
I know, I actually probably would have been smarter to have planned out this world a bit better, and somehow incorporate more facts that pertain to the story, but I sort of just wrote the prologue quickly and wanted to see if it was worth continuing or not before I put in a ton of thought and time into it, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Good! That's what I was really trying to get at. I think there will be happy times in the book, but at least until the end, most of it will be scary/sad. I'm pretty sure I already have the ending thought out, and I'm pretty excited about it! (But not trying to get ahead of myself or anything)
It's interesting that you say that! I'm glad he's not just your sterotypical bad-guy vampire that you see all the time with no feelings, but another reviewer also told me she thought Pollock's characterization was the best, as well :)
Rosetta may be in the third chapter based on popular demand! I wasn't planning on including her until later, but I'm thinking I may just to satisfy some readers! I had no idea that bringing her into the prologue would attach so many readers to her :P
The rebellion fighters are sort of licking their wounds from the last battle where they lost so many people and barely escaped from. They're in hiding while they try and build a bigger army, but then they're spurred into action by the Rosetta thing. And I was actually thinking about putting a companion one-shot up from Pollock's POV that described his discoveries and basically how he took over, but after more thought I was actually thinking about making it into a stand-alone novel prequel to this novel after I'm finished. Still, I plan on doing a precursory look into how my vamps were created and how they ended up taking over, but it'll only really be a glossed over version, you know?
Thanks so much, that is such a compliment! And that's what I'm trying to go for. My previous beta, when she looked at the prologue chapter, said she thought it would be better as an OF than a FF that completely depended on the HP universe to support it. So, I'm writing it as an FF but with very little mention of the HP world so that if I were ever to turn into an OF it wouldn't be a painful process.
Thanks again for the wonderful review, and Hakuna Matata back to you :)