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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
Hi there. So far, you've done a nice job with this. You've created a comfy atmosphere in the Three Broomsticks, a nice main character, and you got some familiar faces in as well. You kept people moving, conversations going, and it all added up to a good start.

I do have a few suggestions, however. Firstly, wonderful as the atmosphere of the pub is, there were a couple times when it went little over the top. I don't doubt it's a good place to be, but a pub is a pub, and whenever you have serious drinkers you have to expect some sort of disturbance. I think it would have been more believable if Rosemerta mentioned keeping an eye on the rowdiest drinkers, or making sure the students didn't try to drink anything if they were underage. Also, this line felt a bit too good to be true, to me:

"I smiled contentedly from my position behind the counter. I could tell it was going to be another deliciously rowdy night. As well as delighting my customers, the tempestuous atmosphere inside the pub also made me to feel so alive."

I get that Rosmerta likes her job. In fact, I'd be disappointed if she didn't, considering how long the Three Broomsticks has been there. But I don't know of anyone, even people who adore what they do, who doesn't get tired after a long day, or have some other worry on their minds, or something else. That line made her life sound a little too optimistic, I think.

My only other suggestion is to lead up to her conflict more. You devoted so much time to introducing the pub, that I assumed the trouble would be with Death Eaters, as Caradoc seemed to be hinting. When she began crying because she was lonely, it really came out of nowhere and threw me off. If you set the reader up for that earlier, it would be a great ending to a chapter.

Other than that, it was good. It was well written and flowed nicely, and as I've already mentioned it was engaging as you flowed from one conversation to the next, encompassing all types of people and relationships. You also included some good details, like baby Fang and the boy asking his grandfather why he wasn't dead yet. Overall, it was an enjoyable read.

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you think I'm off to a good start with this!
I agree with you about keeping an eye on the rowdier drinkers-that's a good idea. But the point of this story is sort of to show the relationship between her and the pub. The Three Broomsticks means the world to Rosmerta, and she will do anything for it. She is optimistic!

But you're 100% right about how I should have lead up to the loneliness thing, and probably shouldn't have given away anything so early on with teh Death Eater's thing.

Thanks for a great review!

LWG :)


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