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Review:apocalypse says:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

Firstly, I'm sorry I wasn't able to review the previous chapter separately, I've already delayed your story too much so I though I'd just review both the chapters together =) Hope that's okay.

I think you had a great start! I really liked the way you started with such a serious and grim mood, the atmosphere was thick from the start and there was an apparent feeling of dread in your words. I think that that was a plus point for you seeing as how this is story about the vampires' tyrannical rule.

I think that they way you explained the whole situation was very good; it answered many of the questions about the whole situation. Though I still think that you could've easily added a few more details to let us know about the war in detail and how such a major thing happened that all the wizards literally vanished. I think there needs to be a more detailed justification as to how and why magic died all of a sudden.

Moving on, I think that you did a good job with describing the girl in the previous chapter. Even though she wasn't really special, you description gave her an exquisite aura and a marvelous image that I got curious to know who she was. Her presence and her description was pretty strong, it caused my interest to increase and I couldn't wait to read ahead. Plus, the way you explained how people like her were shunned was brilliant; it made her situation all the more pitiful.

I think that humans lining up to allow the vampires to feed is quite a good way to show the power of the vampires. It gives a new perspective on the vampires and allows us to form a new image of the vampires in your story. They're far more original than we usually know them as; the idea of vampires is as scary here as it should be. =)

Moving on to chapter two, I think that you started off really well, but as there was little detail on the characters apart from the fact that they were humans and were in hiding, I couldn't really follow the first scene properly. The characters you introduced in that scene: Beau, Delilah and Carmen, are very interesting. You did describe them and they're thoughts pretty well but I felt that the overall description of the surroundings was a bit lacking. You could've given a bit more background detail to them so as to allow that scene to seem whole and complete. Without the tiny details and more information on the characters, it almost an unrefined look and read like it needed to be polished.. I hope you know what I mean =)

Katrina seems like a pretty interesting character. She's a headstrong girl, who's not really afraid of anything and would get what she wants whatever the cost. That much was apparent from her thoughts. She's the royal who doesn't really care about royalty that much and wouldn't care if she could discover another world too. I think that you've characterised her pretty well =) Though I didn't really understand what kind of a person Silver was. She was rude and straightforward to her sister but I did not understand the reason behind that. I think her character could be more detailed if she's coming up ahead.

Pollock is the best of the lot so far. I love how he's so ruthless and merciless but still cares a lot for his daughter and wife. That's an interesting weakness you added to his character. It balances out with his strong character very well. I like how he makes quick decisions and isn't afraid to take harsh decisions. Zane sounds like a prince! He's pretty well-written and I think that you've created him perfectly! I'm so glad that he's not the perfect prince though, the pride in his eyes and his demeanor was the best part you added about him. I think that that pride compliments his character and would be a strong point for him ahead =D

Your grammar is completely. I can't see why you were about it at all. I also tend to overuse the comma but here I did not feel anything of that sort. I really like your word choice and think that your writing style is quite unique. Also, the flow of your story is going pretty well. Though, it gets disrupted here and there because of the sudden lack of description but I know that that can be easily fixed =)

One thing that I think you should mention in your story is the history of the vampires. I know it's not really necessary, but still I think that you should create your own background story for them, giving them a reason for existence, a story as to how they came into being and perhaps a bit more detail about what they think about their time in the Lost Years and their current rule. This is just a random piece of advice, feel free to ignore it if you don't like it =)

You have a really good story here and quite an interesting idea. It's executed very well! Feel free to re-request and PM me with any queries you might have. Good luck and Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Hey, I'm going to PM you my response as it was too long to fit here ;)


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