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Review:Chocolate_Frog says:
Hi there, this is Chocolate_Frog here with your review! :)

I think you have a great story here. (By the way, that banner by Lucie Longhorn is gorgeous! I remember seeing I in the squee thread over at TDA xD) Your first few paragraphs really set the scene for the reader, drawing them into a sense of dark mystery amidst all the action that makes them want to read more. Great job, it was very effective!

And the sense of mystery broadens as the identity of the two are kept secret. (Sorry if this review is kind of choppy/doesn't make sense--I'm typing it as I read. xD) I'd like to take a moment on your brilliant sense of description. I love it; every moment seemed action-packed and

I also really like your sense of imagination; it really sets your story apart from the rest. This also comes with a downside, though, since you have to explain a lot more about it for the reader to comprehend. Everything seemed interesting but confusing in this chapter; I had way too many questions: Why were they running? How come Seamus and Draco are friends? How/why does Hermione have amnesia/memory loss? And this is pretty minor, but I was a bit confused at what you meant by 'chasers' (at first I was thinking Quidditch, but I don't think that's right xD), but now I'm thinking that it might be a term for this new world that you invented that will be further explained in later chapters. I'm really curious to learn more about the Generation, also. Hopefully they will be explained in the future chapters, but maybe you could add some tidbits here as to not leave the reader too much in the dark? (I actually quite like the mystery concept, though; and now I seem to be contradicting myself.)

Oh, and this sentence: Muggles had always been the bravest of races. Is it just me, or do I spot some negative connotation there? Like, why is it in past tense? Did they all die? Oh, the mystery!

I noticed a couple grammar errors (none that major, but occuring enough to disrupt the flow of the story), but since you said in your post you were going to edit I'll leave them be. :)

Overall, it was a great start and I'm really interested in reading more at your next re-request! ^^

~Chocolate_Frog

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