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Review:LittleWelshGirl99 says:
Hi there!

This is a fantastic start. You've tackled the scary next-gen and humour very well! xD

I cans ee a really good plot coming out, and interesting, likeable characters. I can see that Scarlett will definitely be an interesting person, but her character is kind of caked a bit with the humour... I'd perhaps tone it down a bit to have a depthier character. For instance; 'Well, I still amÖdonít think that because all of this happened Iím not going to get into the position with my charm and wit and obvious beauty.'

This sentence shows us that she is quite arrogant, but it's stated so bluntly we think it's a joke...

Other than this I think you did a great hob with the humour! I was laughing a lot.

One thing I noticed was that at the beginning, you cram a lot of information about Scarlett into very few sentences; almost like a list. There's a technique I heard of called to show and not tell, which basically means is there any other way you could have gradually shown readers these characteristics, instead of telling them straight away?
Just some food for thought.

But I really enjoyed this, and can't wait to read more in the future! I think this story will go a long way.

Ok, at the end of a humungous review, I will leave!

LWG :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the lovely review.
I mean this is so no a display of the magnificence of my writing skill (heh...magnificent, not so much) so I'm not particularly bothered about the few criticisms :P

As for the Show not tell, I would normally totally agree with you - but I don't joke that is how she talks in my head and I figured I would start off the story how I meant to go on. That was sort of a a very veiled tactic to show you exactly what she is like. Though I can see how you figured otherwise - I probably would too. Basically, what Scarlett thinks of herself is really the opposite of what she is, if that makes any sense. So there is the depth to her character and it's just veiled in her arrogant opinion of herself. You've got to remember reading this as she is the narrator it's going to be how she see's the world rather then how it is. I believe it's called an Unreliable narrator or something similar.
(so you can't tell you're talking to an english lit student...)

I think that actually answers both criticisms, so yeah. It's like disguised depth, is how I want to write it. So the fact you don't realise this please me really...means my technique works :P

Glad you enjoyed it :)
Hannah


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