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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water with your review!

I definitely enjoyed reading this chapter and I think that you're off to a great start with your new story! It's rare for me to read a story based around Tonks and Remus' relationship but even so I don't think I've ever come across a story where Tonks goes to the werewolf packs along with Remus- it's a very original idea!

I think that you did a great job with your characterization- we can already see Tonks' fascination with Remus and Remus' poor situation. It's easy to see from your description of him that the war is really taking a toll on him. As well, I never really thought about what it would be like for him in the werewolf packs but I think that you've done a great job of realistically describing his situation. It makes sense that they would be aware of his wizard-like tendencies and be less accepting, especially since, as you mentioned, he only goes near the packs during a war.

I enjoyed your description at the start of the chapter where you outlined the seating arrangement at the table. You wrote it in such a way that it didn't seem like just a list- you also gave slight physical descriptions that helped to show Tonks' auror tendencies. As well, I think that you portrayed an Order meeting quite well- it was interesting to see your take on what they would report on. Of course they would always be trying to recruit more people for their cause! I also liked the addition of Vincent Ginnis as he's a potential cause for jealousy- I can already see Remus bringing him up because of his insecurities.

The flow as well was good- there weren't any jarring moments and I think that you balanced your description and dialogue quite well. One thing I would mention is that the start of a new sentence should always be capitalized- you occasionally left the first letter of a new sentence in your dialogue un-capitalized (such as with "the answer is clear" - it should be "The").

As well, I noticed a few other small typos: the phrase "focussed in concentration" should be "focused" and, if you're focused, I think that the element of concentration is implied (and thus doesn't need to be included in the sentence). As well, with "crowded round" it should be "around", with "muggleborns house" it should be "muggleborn's" and I wasn't quite sure what you meant to say with "was bought to speech" - did you mean "brought"? Finally, I think that the phrase "would prefer it if he was dead" would flow more smoothly as "prefer him dead/to see him dead".

As for believability, I definitely thought that this was believable. Your reasoning behind Remus' position in the pack was sound and the little interactions you included throughout the chapter between Tonks and Moody made her volunteering to go wandless to the werewolf camp believable. However, I do wonder why having Tonks accompany hiim would improve Remus' position in the pack... Are you going to make it seem as though he has bitten her, thus making him "belong" more to the werewolf world?

All in all, I enjoyed reading this chapter and I think that you have the beginning of a very interesting and well-written story on your hands. Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Hello :)

Oh thank you very much :) It was a slightly random idea that bounced into my head and since I've never done a ship, I thought it was about time! :P

I'm glad you thought the Order meeting was portrayed well - I was slightly nervous about that! :) And Vincent - you'll hear more about him in the next chapter :D

Oh thank you so much for pointing out the errors - I'll go change them now :)

Haha you guessed :P By biting Tonks he'll 'prove' himself and improve his hioerarchy in the pack. :) Your comments have been brilliant so thank you very much for the lovely review!

Keira :)


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