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Review:helly. says:
Your writing style is really good in this chapter. On teeny tiny thing is that you said "However, on the other hand" and it would probably be better to have just one of those (I reccommend "on the other hand" because "however" isn't supposed to start a sentence) Having said that I do use "however" to start sentences because it just seems right sometimes.
Anyway, I love this chapter and I'm all excited for the next one. xxx

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