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Review:atellam says:
Hi, atellam here with your review. (Yes, I know it's taken awhile... sorry about that :S)

First up -
+ 'remembering what Fred used to call his Louis' "witch fits" -'
- This sentence doesn't actually make sense. 'call his Louis'' doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant to put a comma in there, or you typed it a different way before deleting and rewording and somehow some of the old sentence was left there, I don't know. But it doesn't make sense to me, and you might want to give it another look...

+ "for me Louis."
- There should be a comma between 'me' and 'Louis.'

Okay, other than those few things, this was really, really good. I loved how you showed that Alice had flaws (her illness) and wasn't perfect as many characters are often portrayed, particularly physically. This was also excellent as it helped step outside the box and break away from the cliche mindset of a Veela - that Louis has distantly inherited - that looks are important. Not sure if that makes sene, but I hope you get what I mean. It's a brilliant change and really interesting to read. Well done! :)

Pacing and flow were fine, no real problems there, and i've already talked about characterisation (of Alice's differences and your fresh take on a part-Veela) and plot (re: fresh take, as this was a one-shot, that pretty much was the plot).

Description was fine, no ridiculously large chunks, which is always good.

Overall, not too much to say, mainly because I certainly enjoyed it, and I hope that you re-request!

Keep up the writing,
- Adele :)

Author's Response: Sorry for the delay, ive been away!

Thanks for this, I'm so happy you liked it! I will definately use your review in editing!

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