Hi there! It's VioletBlade with your review after... *looks at the date* nearly a year. Goodness. I deeply apologize! I haven't had much time for HPFF lately at all, and I've just come back after almost a five month hiatus. Still, that doesn't excuse the amount of time you've been waiting.
Well, on to the review then! :)
The tense of this story is really what jarred me, and not in a bad way at all. In fact, I wrote my first novel on the site in present tense! But I don't think I've ever read a story where it was third person present tense, and for that you get props! It was the right way to write it, if that makes any sense. I think with this tense choice, the reader feels as if they are there, with Ted and Molly, and can be witness to everything that is going around.
Characterization: It's interesting, you know, how you've portrayed the next generation characters that feature in this story. I do like the way Ted isn't completely 100% grateful for the way everything has been handed to him in his life-- almost as if instead of that giving him a better future, it actually made him feel obligated then to do what they all expected to do of him. It's something I've never stopped to consider, actually. And for Victoire, though we didn't see much of her in this chapter, I liked her characterization as well. She's not seen as this amazing, gorgeous, perfect person that a lot of stories portray her as in Ted/Molly II/Victoire fics, but actually kind of normal. At least, that's how I felt! And Molly- I think you captured the right amount of angst from her, and the way she kind of separates herself from the family she's always been around because she knows what she feels would be taboo to them.
As for the general flow, I thought it was actually just fine, as long as I remained 100% concentrated on reading! Sometimes my mind likes to wander while I'm reading things (especially online) and in this case I had to go back and re-read to make sure I got everything, but that just means you wrote in a way that I couldn't take everything to be surface-y (I realize that's not really a word!). I will comment on the chapter progression on the next chapter, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do more than two. If you can imagine- you posted your request in April 2011, and it's 2012, there's a lot to get to!
Thank you for not coming after me with a pitchfork for not getting to this sooner. It actually would have been deserved. ^_^.
Author's Response: Oh gosh, this has been ages but because of the sheer size of this wonderful review, it's been hard to find the time to dedicate to sitting down and giving it the response it deserves.
Thank you, firstly, for actually getting to it, regardless of how long it has taken. Many people would just pretend their old thread doesn't exist and give up on it so I really appreciate the time you've given to do this.
I use third person present quite a lot, actually. I really like writing like that and it's more natural for me than past. I have a bit of an aversion to first and second person so I've limited my options a bit, really :P I'm so glad that you think it works, though. I've never given it much thought but I suppose if it didn't work, I'd be in trouble! Thank you for pointing that out.
I definitely wanted Teddy to feel a bit bitter - not completely ungrateful but a little like he's being moulded into this person rather than becoming it naturally. I think, as a teenager especially, that's an issue that may crop up quite a bit and I wanted to continue that thread.
She's normal. They're all pretty normal. I didn't want to set her up as some kind of elite, which may be helped by the fact that I've made her and Molly quite close in age. She's really not that different from Molly, underneath it all.
Haha, that's something people say to me a lot. You really do have to read every word of my writing or you'll probably miss something: less so in longer writing but definitely in one-shots.
Don't be silly! Thank you for actually taking the time to reply to my request and for giving such a wonderful review.