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Review:TheProphecy says:
Heloo!

From the 'Claw blue vs Bronze :)

So, I liked this as a first chapter - it nicely introduced all the characters through the perspective of Marlene, obviously. I thought the fact it was in first person made it easier to connect to her character and there were a few times where I laughed - she has quite an amusing perspective on things.

Once or twice I found you didn't quite develop your sentences as well as I would have liked. Sometimes you started off saying something and then left it. Also a little more description and detail would be nice. There was a point where you really suddenly went from the train to being in their dorm and it was a little bit sudden. So I would suggest just putting an asterisk there to show the time-skip or something.

I like most of your characterisation - though be careful with Lily, I wasn't very sure about her. But otherwise I really liked how you did it!
Well done, this was a nice start :)
Hannah.

Author's Response: Hi Hannah!

Oh dear. The dreaded asterix's. i keep forgetting to put them in when I edit. *Writes big, bold note to self* Yes, many reviews have told me about this. I guess I really should edit now!

Thanks for a lovely review.

LWG x


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