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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter- it's so different from the others in this collection, Louis is so different. He's sad, concerned about his looks and lonely. It was interesting to read about his perspective of big families and their problems- I've read before about how people feel as though there are specific "roles" and expectations that they have to fulfill and I think that you put an interesting spin on it. Louis is considered "pretty but dim" even though he's at the top of his classes- it's as if everyone else doesn't want to see him, just the label they've given him. As if everyone else in the Weasley family is more interesting than he is.

Louis was definitely a likable character, even though you made him slightly vain (perhaps because of that), and I liked the way you had him interact with Alice. You did a really good job of "showing and not telling" us Louis- from his interactions with Neville, Roxanne and Albus we were able to see just how much he was ostracized. His comments about his "effeminate features" and his panic at the dirt on his head definitely showed his vainess but also showed us that he was insecure. As for Alice, I was confused in the beginning as to who she was but you gave us enough clues to figure out her parentage without telling us outright. You made her human, real, and didn't allow her illness to define her, something that I really liked.

I think that you did a good job of showing Louis' reasons for caring about Alice though he had rarely interacted with her before that afternoon. She didn't expect him to be "pretty but dim", she was strong and she needed his care, his protection. She allowed him to be more than society expected him to be. It was sweet and sad at the same time.

I noticed a few small typos as I was reading but, to begin, why did Neville call him "Mr Delacour"? Wouldn't his last name be Weasley since Bill's his dad and you typically take your father's last name? As well, it's "Hogsmeade", not "Hogsmede" - you forgot the "a". With "its all I seem", "But its not even", "But its stupid" and "Its over now" it should be "it's". Finally, with "prominent than unusual" it would make more sense if it was "usual".

As well, I found some of Louis' speeches a little confusing, as if he had thrown several different complaints/topics together. For example, in the paragraph that starts "Louis glared ahead at Aileen..." he goes from talking about how she turned him down to saying that he'd only asked her out for Roxy's sake (and why would Roxy want him to ask Aileen out?) to worrying about his looks and complaining about his Veela blood. Does he think that his diluted Veela blood makes him look effeminate? It felt as though sentences were missing- I would just reread the story to make sure that Louis doesn't jump from topic to topic too quickly. He has some great comments- some of them just feel out of place with the topic of conversation.

All in all I think that you did a great job of handling a more difficult and dark topic with sensitivity and grace! This chapter was a pleasure to read and I enjoyed your characterization of Louis. Thanks for re-requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: I'm replying to this months too late -

your review was so helpful to me when editing, thanks so much!

It also meant a lot that you knew about the other stories, so thanks for helping with this!

B

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