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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

So this is a very interesting start to your story. You set up the character of Jayde very well, dripping in plenty of tantalizing details that left me speculating wildly about her past, present and future. Were her parents really wizards? Was the "house fire" a consequence of the first war? And what really awful -- and richly deserved -- thing is about to happen to our lad Corey?

Your writing is very good, free of typos and grammatical errors and structurally solid. In spite of the fact that there's very little dialog, it doesn't feel like you're pushing the narrative in the reader's face. Rather, I felt drawn along as the story unfolded, eagerly moving from paragraph to paragraph.

What do I think you could have done better? Not much, to be honest. I felt a bit curious as to why Jayde feels responsible for her parents' death, but perhaps you have an explanation for that upcoming.

Splendid effort. Looking forward to reading more...

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for the tag!!

I'm so very glad that you found this to be an interesting start. I could answer your questions about Jayde in this review, but they're all answered later in the text, so I'll save the surprise for you. :-) It makes me very happy to know that you have questions, though.

As for the grammar and typo-free-ness and the structure, I owe that in part to my wonderful beta, Jane. She has been a tremendous help for me to improve my writing! And *Whew*. I'm thrilled that the narrative wasn't too pushy and drew you in. There will be much more dialog in later chapters, so I hope it still has the same feel for you then.

*Blushes and smiles like a child at Christmas* It feels SO great to hear you say there's not much I could have done better. You'll find that Jayde's feelings of guilt are more like a 'survivor's guilt' than anything, but this won't be discussed until much later in the story.

Thank you so, SO very much for your thoughtful review! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it and hope you continue to do so!



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