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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
This was an enjoyable first chapter, and for me Lucy's voice was the key. Her narrative was quirky and funny and though it could have drifted into the typical cliched, sarcastic girl, you did a pretty good job of keeping Lucy away from that. Her preference for an easygoing project is something anyone can relate to, because we've all had that class where we just want to coast through and move on with our lives. Her friendship with Heather is amusing, and her fears about her sister are believable. A lot of the stuff I liked were just the little things, bits and pieces Lucy added that made me smile.

I know this is more of a humor fic, but I'm hoping to see some character development in the next few chapters. There's rarely only a resentment of a sister, only disappointed parents, only a girl with a sense of humor and a fear of magical creatures. Those are all the first layer of characters or emotions, and there are always memories and dreams and opinions that form multiple layers. I'll be interested to see where you take these characters.

A quick note: trust the word "said." I noticed a lot of other verbs, which is fine, although unless they are the first things you think of, it's usually best to keep "said." When you use too many other verbs, it's distracting to the reader and they get the tiniest bit caught up. Same with adverbs. Some are good, but when you have "meekly," "warily," "halfheartedly," "brightly," etc, all one after another, it has the same effect as too many different verbs: more distracting than helpful.

Overall, nice job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I really, really didn't want Lucy to end up being super sarcastic or cliched, so that's good to hear. I guess I just sort of want her to end up being believable - which, I guess, is probably a common goal for writers!

I do have plans for character development - it might seem slow going at first, but hopefully it'll come. Character development is one of my favorite parts of writing and so hopefully that will show as the story goes on.

I definitely have always struggled with how much is too much and how much is too little in regards to the word "said" - so thank you for the advice! :) I'll give that a try.

Thank you very much for the review!

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